"Deep breath, child, you're almost home."
I keep telling myself that 27 days is not long, and 27 days until this stress, heartache, stomachache, headache and weight-ache (lol) are gone. Someone, please explain to me how I can not eat, vomit when I do eat and still gain weight? I really appreciate my body sometimes. If you couldn't tell... I've been really sick. I'm taking advil nonstop for this two-week-headache; I think the advil is contributing to my ulcers. My insulin levels are so high that I am worried my pancreas is going to shut down--no joke, I'm that sick. It also is annoying when they try to tell me everyone in America has this problem. No, I am not diabetic, I am hypoglycemic. Although, thanks to Italians only eating sugary foods, my precursor to diabetes may finally be full on diabetes, or at least the worst I've been with side-effects of hypoglycemia, ever. That and the stress explain my swelling, weight gain and headaches. The ulcer comes from all the dairy, stress and advil. Something's gotta give.
The good news is 27 = 9 x 3. Heeeyyyy!
Have I mentioned that I, mynamesmirandaandieateverythinginsight, haven't been eating? I get nauseated from freaking water, cool. Totally normal, ya know. Okay, I'm done complaining.
Let me say that I have learned a very valuable lesson, never do something you have extreme second thoughts about. Blah, blah, blah. I got to come to Italy, live with an amazing family, and see the country like a true Italian, but I've been miserable the entire time. I am feeling guilt for a reason, ya know? Something isn't right. Now, do NOT in anyway think I am not thankful for what I have been given. I am so very thankful, and I realize how lucky I am. I am also so happy that my friend is coming to take my place here. She is going to love it; just like I am going to love being home. I'm sad we didn't get to meet up.
I have also learned other lessons this last 2-3 months.
1) The grass is NOT greener on the other side; in fact, the grass is perfectly fine where ever I stand.
2) Sometimes the best things are hidden under the dirt, dust and grime of everyday life.
3) Never burn bridges, never ever, ever burn a damn bridge.
4) Sometimes, you get what you need, but what you need can be exactly what you want.
5) Open mind, open heart.
6) (lol) Don't move to Italy, quit your job, quit school, lose your apartment, and lose your chance to get the freaking dog you've been waiting to get for months!!! Yeah, I can't get my doberman until next year. I may have a mini-breakdown over it, too. I have been dreaming of it. Ugh, can I please just get it, Mom? I'll keep and Vinny with me. I live out of my car any ways. Ughhhh, pleaseeee. I want her so bad :(
Anyways, I have also learned to fully appreciate having someone who cares about you constantly near. Snuggling my wall-boyfriend isn't exactly something I'm loving, and I sure as hell am not loving being so cold, but I just will truly and 100% appreciate what I have. I appreciate having a best friend there anytime I NEED her, and I love having my dad 10 minutes away from me at all time. I love shopping with my mom everyday even if I means hearing her falsely accuse Dad of spending all the money, lol. I love my Nanny being a phone call or text away, and I love knowing that no matter what, I can always drive that short distance to her house. I appreciate having people ask me to hang out for 6 months (really and year and a half HAAA) before I actually say, "god, fine, but just once. asshole." And, I really appreciate having someone willing to wait on me until I come home. I really have an amazing life to return to. The only thing I wish for is to play tennis, train for tennis I mean. I would love to get back into it, and I looks like I'm teaching when I get home, I'm going to have to crack down and set up lessons out the ass to make enough money.
Here we go. 27 days. I can do it.
Head up <3
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