"alright goodnight ponceinboots"-me
"wait what?"-austin
"?"-me
"ponceinboots whats that?"- austin
"ponce-in-boots... puss-in-boots? DUH"- me
"i thought it was pussimboots"- austin
"hahahah no its a cat. in boots. literally in boots." - me
"i know he wears boots. but i thought for some reason his name was pussumboots" - austin
"hhahahahahah" -me
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Second chances and sacrifices.
If you are close to me, you know that my dreams of tennis went out the door on August 13, 2009. Well, I thought they did.
I couldn't handle it, mentally, for months--9. I would get angry on the court, break-down and walk away. Then, this past Summer, I picked up a racket with no anger. It was the first time, in a long time, that I could be happy on a court again. I could hit the ball again. I could serve. I could NOT move, lol, but I could hit. That probably was a big factor in my change this past year. I could finally enjoy tennis, again. And, honestly, I had never enjoyed tennis so much in my life. Even after a horrible appearance in a Southern tourny--somehow I won two matches--and so much anxiety that I puked before every match, I still wanted to play or at least give it a go. But, my parents said you need to finish school, and my dad didn't want to fund it or spend more than an hour a day on the court.
Today, after watching tennis every night for 2 months and not being able to forget about the last time I really worked my ass off on the court, I asked Dad for a second chance. Well, the second chance doesn't come with 5 hours on the court a day or me not going to school--which is my ideal. The second chance comes with a sacrifice from me, I will go to school part time and not expect 5 hours a day. And, for the first time in my life, I am finally willing to sacrifice MY time for the sport, not just my dad's. My head is finally in the right place, and I don't care about my "time", because I want my time to be spent on that court. I want it. Finally, I am willing to do it. As for my dad, I am giving him a second chance, and his sacrifice is to try not to yell and spend more time on the court with me, but most of all, to take me more serious than he has ever taken someone and to let me show him what I can do.
Second chances do exist, but sometimes to get that chance you have to sacrifice something you want, and I am so glad I did.
<3
I couldn't handle it, mentally, for months--9. I would get angry on the court, break-down and walk away. Then, this past Summer, I picked up a racket with no anger. It was the first time, in a long time, that I could be happy on a court again. I could hit the ball again. I could serve. I could NOT move, lol, but I could hit. That probably was a big factor in my change this past year. I could finally enjoy tennis, again. And, honestly, I had never enjoyed tennis so much in my life. Even after a horrible appearance in a Southern tourny--somehow I won two matches--and so much anxiety that I puked before every match, I still wanted to play or at least give it a go. But, my parents said you need to finish school, and my dad didn't want to fund it or spend more than an hour a day on the court.
Today, after watching tennis every night for 2 months and not being able to forget about the last time I really worked my ass off on the court, I asked Dad for a second chance. Well, the second chance doesn't come with 5 hours on the court a day or me not going to school--which is my ideal. The second chance comes with a sacrifice from me, I will go to school part time and not expect 5 hours a day. And, for the first time in my life, I am finally willing to sacrifice MY time for the sport, not just my dad's. My head is finally in the right place, and I don't care about my "time", because I want my time to be spent on that court. I want it. Finally, I am willing to do it. As for my dad, I am giving him a second chance, and his sacrifice is to try not to yell and spend more time on the court with me, but most of all, to take me more serious than he has ever taken someone and to let me show him what I can do.
Second chances do exist, but sometimes to get that chance you have to sacrifice something you want, and I am so glad I did.
<3
Friday, February 25, 2011
6 months.
It has been 6 months since I wrote my blog post, "Just Ask Me". I've gone through considerable changes since that post, and sometimes I wonder where I am going and what changes are upcoming.
I'm still that girl who loves too openly, but something has changed about that love. I love, but I do not trust nearly as much. I still forgive, but it cannot seem to forget. I still reach out to people who hate me, and I do not regret any moment of it. I am happy, unlike before, and I mean happy to my core. I am truly a happy person, now. But, with my happiness has come a guard on my heart, and maybe it has come with good reason. I am happy within myself, and I sometimes don't know if I ever want to be able to have that happiness taken away again. Yet, I put myself out there, and I met someone new (who woulda guessed that one HAHA). Someone like me. Someone who can get whatever he wants when he wants it, like me. Someone who has been hurt and broken WAY TOO MANY hearts, like me. Someone who doesn't care what people think, but most of all, I have met someone who accepts me for who I am--up or down, nice or mean. My only question is if I am willing to give it all again, and if I am willing to get hurt, because whether they mean it or not, they will always hurt us.
I'm still the girl who dreams of playing professional tennis, and all I think about is getting in shape, again. I'm still the girl who only has a couple friends, and who will cut someone off in a heartbeat. But, the love I have for my friends now is different. I love them with all my heart, but they do not make me or break me. I can finally rely on myself for happiness, again--like I could as a kid. Now, this does not mean I don't need people or my friends or family or boyfriend, because through all my self-sufficientness, I still have joy in my heart and soul when my loved-ones come around. I just do not rely on them for my warm-heartedness anymore, but through that, they bring me more joy than ever.
I'm still the girl who doesn't fix her hair and plays Xbox360 a little too much, and I still do not have fear for myself. I still can't feel pain, and I am still searching for a weakness. Most people don't find self-security until they are in their 30s, but I know my car-wreck (which I am now thankful for) really changed my perspective on life and that day, August 13, 2009, made me the strong person I am today. I'm secure, I'm strong, I'm self-sufficient and, most importantly, I am happy.
I'm still a gypsy soul, and I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I'm living one of my dreams, right now, and finding out that sometimes those dreams aren't how we imagined them. And, I am finally seeing that the grass isn't greener on the other side (or across the pond), and where ever I am standing is always going to be beautiful to me.
I'm more of an adrenaline junkie than ever, and I appreciate Knoxville, TN more than anywhere in the world. I realize how much I love my mom and how much she is willing to do for me. And, I finally know how much she loves me. I see that I took for granted the years of tennis I had, and I see where I could have made significant changes, but the difference is now, I do not regret it, because I am where I am in my life, because of those choices.
I still think elephants are the most incredible animals, and I finally got the tattoo on my side that I have been wanting. I'm finally trying to live my life how a Buddhist would--within reason, y'all. I'm able to bite my tongue for once in my life...okay, I can bite it to a certain point before I give the world a piece of my mind, and I'm still the girl who is a lover, but who will fight until the end. I still see my friends as family, and I want to break anyone who hurts them--sorry Buddha. The difference is, now, I let things roll. I see that some people just can't help their ignorance, and some people are too stupid to change their ignorance into knowledge.
I am still the girl who hates sitting in a desk and being told what to learn, but I have decided to go back to school.
I learned that the best things can be right in front of our noses for over a year, and it may have taken that long for us to notice for a reason. I learned that sometimes you sacrifice your pride to see others smile.
I still think a child's joy is the most blissful and beautiful thing on this Earth. I'm still the dreamer and think I can do anything.
I turn to music now and writing my blog to relieve my angst. I am working on not taking out my emotions on others, still, and it will take me a long time to finally work through my horrible life-long ways. But, I am getting there. Step by step, day by day. I am getting a little closer to being exactly who I strive to be, and I now see that even if I do not get "there," I will always, always be happy. "I'm Alive," by Kenny Chesney has helped put a perspective on the last few years of my life. I'm alive and well, and there is nothing that can bring me down anymore.
It's February 25, 2011. I have two weeks left in Italy. I cannot wait to get home. And, best of all, I'm still happy.
I'm still that girl who loves too openly, but something has changed about that love. I love, but I do not trust nearly as much. I still forgive, but it cannot seem to forget. I still reach out to people who hate me, and I do not regret any moment of it. I am happy, unlike before, and I mean happy to my core. I am truly a happy person, now. But, with my happiness has come a guard on my heart, and maybe it has come with good reason. I am happy within myself, and I sometimes don't know if I ever want to be able to have that happiness taken away again. Yet, I put myself out there, and I met someone new (who woulda guessed that one HAHA). Someone like me. Someone who can get whatever he wants when he wants it, like me. Someone who has been hurt and broken WAY TOO MANY hearts, like me. Someone who doesn't care what people think, but most of all, I have met someone who accepts me for who I am--up or down, nice or mean. My only question is if I am willing to give it all again, and if I am willing to get hurt, because whether they mean it or not, they will always hurt us.
I'm still the girl who dreams of playing professional tennis, and all I think about is getting in shape, again. I'm still the girl who only has a couple friends, and who will cut someone off in a heartbeat. But, the love I have for my friends now is different. I love them with all my heart, but they do not make me or break me. I can finally rely on myself for happiness, again--like I could as a kid. Now, this does not mean I don't need people or my friends or family or boyfriend, because through all my self-sufficientness, I still have joy in my heart and soul when my loved-ones come around. I just do not rely on them for my warm-heartedness anymore, but through that, they bring me more joy than ever.
I'm still the girl who doesn't fix her hair and plays Xbox360 a little too much, and I still do not have fear for myself. I still can't feel pain, and I am still searching for a weakness. Most people don't find self-security until they are in their 30s, but I know my car-wreck (which I am now thankful for) really changed my perspective on life and that day, August 13, 2009, made me the strong person I am today. I'm secure, I'm strong, I'm self-sufficient and, most importantly, I am happy.
I'm still a gypsy soul, and I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I'm living one of my dreams, right now, and finding out that sometimes those dreams aren't how we imagined them. And, I am finally seeing that the grass isn't greener on the other side (or across the pond), and where ever I am standing is always going to be beautiful to me.
I'm more of an adrenaline junkie than ever, and I appreciate Knoxville, TN more than anywhere in the world. I realize how much I love my mom and how much she is willing to do for me. And, I finally know how much she loves me. I see that I took for granted the years of tennis I had, and I see where I could have made significant changes, but the difference is now, I do not regret it, because I am where I am in my life, because of those choices.
I still think elephants are the most incredible animals, and I finally got the tattoo on my side that I have been wanting. I'm finally trying to live my life how a Buddhist would--within reason, y'all. I'm able to bite my tongue for once in my life...okay, I can bite it to a certain point before I give the world a piece of my mind, and I'm still the girl who is a lover, but who will fight until the end. I still see my friends as family, and I want to break anyone who hurts them--sorry Buddha. The difference is, now, I let things roll. I see that some people just can't help their ignorance, and some people are too stupid to change their ignorance into knowledge.
I am still the girl who hates sitting in a desk and being told what to learn, but I have decided to go back to school.
I learned that the best things can be right in front of our noses for over a year, and it may have taken that long for us to notice for a reason. I learned that sometimes you sacrifice your pride to see others smile.
I still think a child's joy is the most blissful and beautiful thing on this Earth. I'm still the dreamer and think I can do anything.
I turn to music now and writing my blog to relieve my angst. I am working on not taking out my emotions on others, still, and it will take me a long time to finally work through my horrible life-long ways. But, I am getting there. Step by step, day by day. I am getting a little closer to being exactly who I strive to be, and I now see that even if I do not get "there," I will always, always be happy. "I'm Alive," by Kenny Chesney has helped put a perspective on the last few years of my life. I'm alive and well, and there is nothing that can bring me down anymore.
It's February 25, 2011. I have two weeks left in Italy. I cannot wait to get home. And, best of all, I'm still happy.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
2 Weeks & 1 Day.
When I arrive home and don't have to rely on Skype as a means for communication I will be one happy camper. I won't turn on my laptop for a while--I can guarantee that. I definitely won't have my phone or even iPod near me, except for music purposes, and I will have Pandora--on Austin's phone--blaring 'MoTown Radio'. I will eat really nasty, greasy, absolutely delicious American food, and I will lift too heavy of weights. I am perfectly, completely happy to be coming home. I cannot wait to see my loves and my Nanny.
<3
<3
Monday, February 21, 2011
Permanent Ink.
I got a tattoo today, and I am in love. It looks better in person--when my arm is not stretched up. <3
 |
| Too bad it won't rotate. The Eye of Horus (right): wisdom power and health. The Ankh: is the key to life and death, sun over the horizon, men/women.and the crescent moon/star: joy, life, potency, fertility, birth, and rebirth. |
 |
| This dude was so awesome. It's a 3 month wait to get a tattoo by him... I some how got lucky, because 1 dude cancelled his appointment! |
I also got my belly-button pierced. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. The tattoo, well, I honestly enjoyed getting it. Screw ever redoing my belly if it heals up or something. <3 it though!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
No roaming in Rome for meee.
So, I was going to go to Rome on Monday, but that is not happening. Mild freak-outs from family and friends. Apparently, I must wait until I come back with someone, and then I can explore.
Here's something entertaining:
I'm apparently a "no-good, white-trash hoe" and "he couldn't handle anything more". Lol. Because, I'm the one knocked up with an illegitimate baby--the one only you and your mom want. Yep. But, no, I will not point fingers anymore. I will laugh, sweetie, because where were you the 6 weeks before I left when it was me and him every night at his apartment--when we were just friends mind you. So, maybe something is fishy, and maybe I haven't gotten the whole truth, but ya know.... the truth can only get twisted so much. And the fact is, you've been gone to us and now you ARE gone and I'm not. So, shut your trap, and learn how to fix your make up, please.
Finally, she went so off the deep-end and called me "white-trash" that even I have to laugh at the situation now.
Here's to new beginnings, and to not worrying about the cloud of bullshit. I know who I am, and I don't care if anyone else does. I know what I am, and that really is all that matters. No more pettiness. No more stressing over crap that is all fantasized in one pathetic person's mind. Nope. You do you. Imma keep doin' me.
<3
Here's something entertaining:
I'm apparently a "no-good, white-trash hoe" and "he couldn't handle anything more". Lol. Because, I'm the one knocked up with an illegitimate baby--the one only you and your mom want. Yep. But, no, I will not point fingers anymore. I will laugh, sweetie, because where were you the 6 weeks before I left when it was me and him every night at his apartment--when we were just friends mind you. So, maybe something is fishy, and maybe I haven't gotten the whole truth, but ya know.... the truth can only get twisted so much. And the fact is, you've been gone to us and now you ARE gone and I'm not. So, shut your trap, and learn how to fix your make up, please.
Finally, she went so off the deep-end and called me "white-trash" that even I have to laugh at the situation now.
Here's to new beginnings, and to not worrying about the cloud of bullshit. I know who I am, and I don't care if anyone else does. I know what I am, and that really is all that matters. No more pettiness. No more stressing over crap that is all fantasized in one pathetic person's mind. Nope. You do you. Imma keep doin' me.
<3
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Actions, baby, not words.
This morning I woke up to this,
"ve vin 10-4. and dee meats score wan for da ruuubes lol"
Now, to translate:
"We won 10-4, and I (meathead) scored one for the Rubes (me), lol."
It's always nice waking up to idiotic things such as that. Now, the next one was actually sweet from him, mild miracle. Still, when I get home, I think there is a big pile of bullshit that needs to be sniffed out, and we all know I am the one to do it. I won't let any lie get in the way, and if I have to read one more facebook update about how I "ruined" their happy family I will go bonkers.
One of my friend's blogs this morning really hit me hard. It was about death, and yeah, the basis was her dog's death last Valentine's Day, but she said on thing that hit me hard....
"Death isn't fair, ever. No matter how much notice you have, it still just sucks when you drive home with one less member of the family present."
And, it's so true. I do not fear death, but to think of someone so close to me just not being there, suddenly, is horrible and terrifying and down-right sad. So, I am setting a goal for myself. Love the people around me like it is their last day to be loved on Earth. I feel like, sometimes, all of us just take the loved one next to us for granted and forget that they can leave us instantly. I sure know I should hug my dad--because I never do--tell Mom how much I love her, appreciate the amazing Nanny I have, see my cousins more often, or tell my best friend how much she truly means to me, because I don't think she knows. And, maybe, I should stop being so thick-headed and realize maybe they mean it when they say they love me, too. Just like anyone, I feel under-appreciated all the time, and I feel like no one understands how much I put in. The fact is, I put my heart and soul into the people I love; sometimes, I just don't show it. I don't like showing how much I care or how much someone means to me. Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. I think it's time for me to show just how much I care about, love and truly appreciate the people around me. I just have to figure it out now. Because, anyone can say "I love you", but not many people can show just how much they do love you. It's all about actions for me, and ironically, I do not think my actions apply to my words. So, starting today, even if I am 5000 miles away, I will work to better show the people around me how much they mean to me. Idk how the heck I'm gonna do this via Skype and Facebook, but maybe I can. Hell, it won't hurt to try.
<3
"ve vin 10-4. and dee meats score wan for da ruuubes lol"
Now, to translate:
"We won 10-4, and I (meathead) scored one for the Rubes (me), lol."
It's always nice waking up to idiotic things such as that. Now, the next one was actually sweet from him, mild miracle. Still, when I get home, I think there is a big pile of bullshit that needs to be sniffed out, and we all know I am the one to do it. I won't let any lie get in the way, and if I have to read one more facebook update about how I "ruined" their happy family I will go bonkers.
One of my friend's blogs this morning really hit me hard. It was about death, and yeah, the basis was her dog's death last Valentine's Day, but she said on thing that hit me hard....
"Death isn't fair, ever. No matter how much notice you have, it still just sucks when you drive home with one less member of the family present."
And, it's so true. I do not fear death, but to think of someone so close to me just not being there, suddenly, is horrible and terrifying and down-right sad. So, I am setting a goal for myself. Love the people around me like it is their last day to be loved on Earth. I feel like, sometimes, all of us just take the loved one next to us for granted and forget that they can leave us instantly. I sure know I should hug my dad--because I never do--tell Mom how much I love her, appreciate the amazing Nanny I have, see my cousins more often, or tell my best friend how much she truly means to me, because I don't think she knows. And, maybe, I should stop being so thick-headed and realize maybe they mean it when they say they love me, too. Just like anyone, I feel under-appreciated all the time, and I feel like no one understands how much I put in. The fact is, I put my heart and soul into the people I love; sometimes, I just don't show it. I don't like showing how much I care or how much someone means to me. Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. I think it's time for me to show just how much I care about, love and truly appreciate the people around me. I just have to figure it out now. Because, anyone can say "I love you", but not many people can show just how much they do love you. It's all about actions for me, and ironically, I do not think my actions apply to my words. So, starting today, even if I am 5000 miles away, I will work to better show the people around me how much they mean to me. Idk how the heck I'm gonna do this via Skype and Facebook, but maybe I can. Hell, it won't hurt to try.
<3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
For something more meaningful....
I am looking to the future.
Thank goodness I am a goldfish and can look back on the last few days and laugh. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know no matter what positive outcomes will happen for me. Thank goodness for the changes I have made.
I went to Venice... by myself. I really do not understand how I found the train station in Brescia, got a ticket, got on the CORRECT train, walk successfully all around Venice, ordered food, found the train station again in Venice and somehow got back on the correct train to Brescia.
Okay, upper left: WELCOME TO VENICE! Mid-left... some vegetables for sale? Lower-left... all the lovers, it was Valentine's Day. And my favorite picture out of the 150 I have is on the right-hand side... some random dude posing for my picture <3 hahah. Overall, Venice was beautiful. But, it was also the same as every other part of North Italy. Now, I bet in the summer-time it is INCREDIBLE. And, if you think I'm being ridiculous, please, take a Winter trip to N. Italy. It's neither cold nor warm. There is very little rain, and it's constantly sunny--but the sun isnt warm. It's so odd here! Not saying I don't love it here, because I totally do. I just like a bit more variation. Oh! Wish you could see the color of the water in Venice; it is the most peculiar color blue I have ever seen.
Thank goodness I am a goldfish and can look back on the last few days and laugh. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know no matter what positive outcomes will happen for me. Thank goodness for the changes I have made.
I went to Venice... by myself. I really do not understand how I found the train station in Brescia, got a ticket, got on the CORRECT train, walk successfully all around Venice, ordered food, found the train station again in Venice and somehow got back on the correct train to Brescia. It felt like I was the only person without a map; I was laughing at everyone who did have one. I honestly was going down every little back/side street I could (along with the main ones of course). There are SO many street vendors, and every one of them sell the same thing. It's kinda like those "wave" stores at the beach, just smaller....
Okay, upper left: WELCOME TO VENICE! Mid-left... some vegetables for sale? Lower-left... all the lovers, it was Valentine's Day. And my favorite picture out of the 150 I have is on the right-hand side... some random dude posing for my picture <3 hahah. Overall, Venice was beautiful. But, it was also the same as every other part of North Italy. Now, I bet in the summer-time it is INCREDIBLE. And, if you think I'm being ridiculous, please, take a Winter trip to N. Italy. It's neither cold nor warm. There is very little rain, and it's constantly sunny--but the sun isnt warm. It's so odd here! Not saying I don't love it here, because I totally do. I just like a bit more variation. Oh! Wish you could see the color of the water in Venice; it is the most peculiar color blue I have ever seen.It's raining today in Brescia for the first time since I've been here. Hopefully it is washing everything away. Hypothetically and realistically.
<3
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Welcome to the fun house, bitchez.
Well, my attempt to level the playing field just resulted in an uproar.
Too bad bitches don't know who they are dealing with.
No more nice Miranda. No more quiet Miranda. Bitches get what they deserve, and bitches get stitches. Knoxville better watch out for me and my friends when I arrive home.
All Hell has broken loose, and the best part is, I never had to open my mouth to my friends to explain the situation. All I had to say is that women are tryin' to rock me.
I love my friends and family :)
25!
Too bad bitches don't know who they are dealing with.
No more nice Miranda. No more quiet Miranda. Bitches get what they deserve, and bitches get stitches. Knoxville better watch out for me and my friends when I arrive home.
All Hell has broken loose, and the best part is, I never had to open my mouth to my friends to explain the situation. All I had to say is that women are tryin' to rock me.
I love my friends and family :)
25!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Growing up sometimes means reaching out.
I reached out. I just hope it was the right thing to do. I'm sick of being petty; I'm sick of high-school drama. It's time to make it right, and it's time to do what's best for all of us in this odd situation. I just hope she takes my words to heart like I meant them. I truly meant what I said, but thanks to the rest of my gender being fake, because she may not believe me. Awesome.
Sometimes it honestly takes putting yourself on a ledge and asking the person who wants to kill you not to push you off, to give you a chance. Sometimes you just have to feed yourself to the sharks, and sometimes it works out how you want.
Please give me strength to hold my head up and know what I did was right. Please give her the means to understand that I want what's best for her and the baby.
I literally sacrificed my pride for someone I don't even know. Too bad she cannot possibly understand how hard that is for me to do.
Growing up sometimes means reaching out, but it seems I'm becoming more selfless, too.
Sometimes it honestly takes putting yourself on a ledge and asking the person who wants to kill you not to push you off, to give you a chance. Sometimes you just have to feed yourself to the sharks, and sometimes it works out how you want.
Please give me strength to hold my head up and know what I did was right. Please give her the means to understand that I want what's best for her and the baby.
I literally sacrificed my pride for someone I don't even know. Too bad she cannot possibly understand how hard that is for me to do.
Growing up sometimes means reaching out, but it seems I'm becoming more selfless, too.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Breathe in, breathe out.
"Deep breath, child, you're almost home."
I keep telling myself that 27 days is not long, and 27 days until this stress, heartache, stomachache, headache and weight-ache (lol) are gone. Someone, please explain to me how I can not eat, vomit when I do eat and still gain weight? I really appreciate my body sometimes. If you couldn't tell... I've been really sick. I'm taking advil nonstop for this two-week-headache; I think the advil is contributing to my ulcers. My insulin levels are so high that I am worried my pancreas is going to shut down--no joke, I'm that sick. It also is annoying when they try to tell me everyone in America has this problem. No, I am not diabetic, I am hypoglycemic. Although, thanks to Italians only eating sugary foods, my precursor to diabetes may finally be full on diabetes, or at least the worst I've been with side-effects of hypoglycemia, ever. That and the stress explain my swelling, weight gain and headaches. The ulcer comes from all the dairy, stress and advil. Something's gotta give.
The good news is 27 = 9 x 3. Heeeyyyy!
Have I mentioned that I, mynamesmirandaandieateverythinginsight, haven't been eating? I get nauseated from freaking water, cool. Totally normal, ya know. Okay, I'm done complaining.
Let me say that I have learned a very valuable lesson, never do something you have extreme second thoughts about. Blah, blah, blah. I got to come to Italy, live with an amazing family, and see the country like a true Italian, but I've been miserable the entire time. I am feeling guilt for a reason, ya know? Something isn't right. Now, do NOT in anyway think I am not thankful for what I have been given. I am so very thankful, and I realize how lucky I am. I am also so happy that my friend is coming to take my place here. She is going to love it; just like I am going to love being home. I'm sad we didn't get to meet up.
I have also learned other lessons this last 2-3 months.
1) The grass is NOT greener on the other side; in fact, the grass is perfectly fine where ever I stand.
2) Sometimes the best things are hidden under the dirt, dust and grime of everyday life.
3) Never burn bridges, never ever, ever burn a damn bridge.
4) Sometimes, you get what you need, but what you need can be exactly what you want.
5) Open mind, open heart.
6) (lol) Don't move to Italy, quit your job, quit school, lose your apartment, and lose your chance to get the freaking dog you've been waiting to get for months!!! Yeah, I can't get my doberman until next year. I may have a mini-breakdown over it, too. I have been dreaming of it. Ugh, can I please just get it, Mom? I'll keep and Vinny with me. I live out of my car any ways. Ughhhh, pleaseeee. I want her so bad :(
Anyways, I have also learned to fully appreciate having someone who cares about you constantly near. Snuggling my wall-boyfriend isn't exactly something I'm loving, and I sure as hell am not loving being so cold, but I just will truly and 100% appreciate what I have. I appreciate having a best friend there anytime I NEED her, and I love having my dad 10 minutes away from me at all time. I love shopping with my mom everyday even if I means hearing her falsely accuse Dad of spending all the money, lol. I love my Nanny being a phone call or text away, and I love knowing that no matter what, I can always drive that short distance to her house. I appreciate having people ask me to hang out for 6 months (really and year and a half HAAA) before I actually say, "god, fine, but just once. asshole." And, I really appreciate having someone willing to wait on me until I come home. I really have an amazing life to return to. The only thing I wish for is to play tennis, train for tennis I mean. I would love to get back into it, and I looks like I'm teaching when I get home, I'm going to have to crack down and set up lessons out the ass to make enough money.
Here we go. 27 days. I can do it.
Head up <3
I keep telling myself that 27 days is not long, and 27 days until this stress, heartache, stomachache, headache and weight-ache (lol) are gone. Someone, please explain to me how I can not eat, vomit when I do eat and still gain weight? I really appreciate my body sometimes. If you couldn't tell... I've been really sick. I'm taking advil nonstop for this two-week-headache; I think the advil is contributing to my ulcers. My insulin levels are so high that I am worried my pancreas is going to shut down--no joke, I'm that sick. It also is annoying when they try to tell me everyone in America has this problem. No, I am not diabetic, I am hypoglycemic. Although, thanks to Italians only eating sugary foods, my precursor to diabetes may finally be full on diabetes, or at least the worst I've been with side-effects of hypoglycemia, ever. That and the stress explain my swelling, weight gain and headaches. The ulcer comes from all the dairy, stress and advil. Something's gotta give.
The good news is 27 = 9 x 3. Heeeyyyy!
Have I mentioned that I, mynamesmirandaandieateverythinginsight, haven't been eating? I get nauseated from freaking water, cool. Totally normal, ya know. Okay, I'm done complaining.
Let me say that I have learned a very valuable lesson, never do something you have extreme second thoughts about. Blah, blah, blah. I got to come to Italy, live with an amazing family, and see the country like a true Italian, but I've been miserable the entire time. I am feeling guilt for a reason, ya know? Something isn't right. Now, do NOT in anyway think I am not thankful for what I have been given. I am so very thankful, and I realize how lucky I am. I am also so happy that my friend is coming to take my place here. She is going to love it; just like I am going to love being home. I'm sad we didn't get to meet up.
I have also learned other lessons this last 2-3 months.
1) The grass is NOT greener on the other side; in fact, the grass is perfectly fine where ever I stand.
2) Sometimes the best things are hidden under the dirt, dust and grime of everyday life.
3) Never burn bridges, never ever, ever burn a damn bridge.
4) Sometimes, you get what you need, but what you need can be exactly what you want.
5) Open mind, open heart.
6) (lol) Don't move to Italy, quit your job, quit school, lose your apartment, and lose your chance to get the freaking dog you've been waiting to get for months!!! Yeah, I can't get my doberman until next year. I may have a mini-breakdown over it, too. I have been dreaming of it. Ugh, can I please just get it, Mom? I'll keep and Vinny with me. I live out of my car any ways. Ughhhh, pleaseeee. I want her so bad :(
Anyways, I have also learned to fully appreciate having someone who cares about you constantly near. Snuggling my wall-boyfriend isn't exactly something I'm loving, and I sure as hell am not loving being so cold, but I just will truly and 100% appreciate what I have. I appreciate having a best friend there anytime I NEED her, and I love having my dad 10 minutes away from me at all time. I love shopping with my mom everyday even if I means hearing her falsely accuse Dad of spending all the money, lol. I love my Nanny being a phone call or text away, and I love knowing that no matter what, I can always drive that short distance to her house. I appreciate having people ask me to hang out for 6 months (really and year and a half HAAA) before I actually say, "god, fine, but just once. asshole." And, I really appreciate having someone willing to wait on me until I come home. I really have an amazing life to return to. The only thing I wish for is to play tennis, train for tennis I mean. I would love to get back into it, and I looks like I'm teaching when I get home, I'm going to have to crack down and set up lessons out the ass to make enough money.
Here we go. 27 days. I can do it.
Head up <3
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Conversations.
"lol get over here"- Austin
"I wish I was a bird of another feather so I could fly homeeeeeeeeee"- Me
"You'd be a Dodo and they can't fly lol"- Austin
"they are extinct....."- Me
"nope. almost though. there are still a few. pple dont know about it though haha"- Austin
"you're a fucking retard."- Me
Typical.
I could probably write a book of our conversations.
"I just ate so much that I'm sick."- Me
"I just took a dump."- Austin
"This may shock you......But.... I'm a girl. And, I don't like to know about your dumps."- Me
"wat? thought we were sharing our feelings for each other hahaha"- Austin
"?!?!?!?!?! what???? that doesnt even belong in this conversation!"- Me
"I wish I was a bird of another feather so I could fly homeeeeeeeeee"- Me
"You'd be a Dodo and they can't fly lol"- Austin
"they are extinct....."- Me
"nope. almost though. there are still a few. pple dont know about it though haha"- Austin
"you're a fucking retard."- Me
Typical.
I could probably write a book of our conversations.
"I just ate so much that I'm sick."- Me
"I just took a dump."- Austin
"This may shock you......But.... I'm a girl. And, I don't like to know about your dumps."- Me
"wat? thought we were sharing our feelings for each other hahaha"- Austin
"?!?!?!?!?! what???? that doesnt even belong in this conversation!"- Me
Monday, February 7, 2011
23. 32.
I'm coming up on my fifth week of being here. It has gone by relatively fast considering how unhappy I am. I may have wrinkles from this experience. No joke.
I'm coming up--a freaking gnat just flew in my nose, cool--on the half way way mark, the Ihavebeenhereforfourweeksandonlyhavefourleft mark. Please fly by. Please. I'm so stressed. I can't stand the thought of my life being lived without me any longer. I really don't know how I can last 32 more days. My face is wrecked, and so is my body.
The cool news is, I'm living in a house where they found the oldest artifacts ever to be found in Brescia. They were digging their underground pool, and discovered stuff from like 4500 BCE or something crazy.... Here are some pictures from 4500 BCE to 1600 BCE...
Above Left (2) is from 1600 BCE I believe. The lower is on the outside of their home. At the bottom is from 2500 BCE and is where a home used to be. It's just chillin' in their basement. Okay and possibly the most bad ass thing is that it is legal for them to keep all of it, unlike USA, because it is so common. She said most people find stuff in their homes, obviously not like in theirs, but small Roman artifacts and what-not. And, the picture in the lower right hand corner, the pot, is one of the most incredible things I have ever touched. It is not legal, I don't know where she got it, I don't know how she has it, it's just chillin' in the living room, AND. . . it's from 4500 BCE. Shit my pants when I saw it. I mean I have been eyeing it and thinkin', ya know... that isn't the most typical item a house usually has..... lol. I could also tell from all the art history classes that it wasn't exactly... modern. But, 4500 BCE. C'mon people! Can you even comprehend that?
I'm coming up--a freaking gnat just flew in my nose, cool--on the half way way mark, the Ihavebeenhereforfourweeksandonlyhavefourleft mark. Please fly by. Please. I'm so stressed. I can't stand the thought of my life being lived without me any longer. I really don't know how I can last 32 more days. My face is wrecked, and so is my body.
Above Left (2) is from 1600 BCE I believe. The lower is on the outside of their home. At the bottom is from 2500 BCE and is where a home used to be. It's just chillin' in their basement. Okay and possibly the most bad ass thing is that it is legal for them to keep all of it, unlike USA, because it is so common. She said most people find stuff in their homes, obviously not like in theirs, but small Roman artifacts and what-not. And, the picture in the lower right hand corner, the pot, is one of the most incredible things I have ever touched. It is not legal, I don't know where she got it, I don't know how she has it, it's just chillin' in the living room, AND. . . it's from 4500 BCE. Shit my pants when I saw it. I mean I have been eyeing it and thinkin', ya know... that isn't the most typical item a house usually has..... lol. I could also tell from all the art history classes that it wasn't exactly... modern. But, 4500 BCE. C'mon people! Can you even comprehend that?
I'll be taking a lot of deep breaths these next few weeks.
Wish me luck.
<3
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Heartbeat.
Today, I thought about Summer in Knoxville--which is obviously the best city in the Summer. My heart started racing. Summer in Knoxville is the ultimate Summer-experience. We spend our days on the lake, and in the evening we eat dinner on our porches. We spend our nights running around the city, only to come back to the outskirts of Knoxville and watch the stars burning bright. There's nothing like being so far out in the woods that you can't hear a sound except the crickets chirping. The moon is our light, and you only use a damn flashlight if you're a chicken shit. Skinny dipping in country club pools at 1 am, or even the disgusting lakes we love--which will probs give us cancer or some STD or something gross, lol. But, do we care? Uh, no. Cade's Cove is one of the highlights of my Summer, because every year I drive through the mountains with the windows down in the early morning just to hike or trail-run some of the most over-used paths in the Smoky's. Mom and Dad pick the strawberries THEY grew in THEIR garden. One thing's for certain, you will never see me in a pair of jeans in the summer or pants in anyway way, shape or form for that... you may never see me with real clothing on unless I'm working. You may still catch me running through the sprinkler or spraying people (and myself) with a water-hose like a 6 year old, and you can guarantee that you'll find me with my Nanny on her screened-in porch. The 7 AM runs with my dog equal love. The Fox Den 4th of July firework show is a given, and so is laying in the courtyard on campus. Yeah, we go to the beach, and love it... good lord do we love it, but we always come back. And, as the deep Summer green sets in, and the grapes on my family's grapevines ripen we know Summer is coming to an end, but we don't fret... simply because that means it's FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE! There's just something about Knoxville and the Summertime that will never be matched. Summer sun, mmmmm.
<3
<3
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