6 months.

It has been 6 months since I wrote my blog post, "Just Ask Me". I've gone through considerable changes since that post, and sometimes I wonder where I am going and what changes are upcoming.

I'm still that girl who loves too openly, but something has changed about that love. I love, but I do not trust nearly as much. I still forgive, but it cannot seem to forget. I still reach out to people who hate me, and I do not regret any moment of it. I am happy, unlike before, and I mean happy to my core. I am truly a happy person, now. But, with my happiness has come a guard on my heart, and maybe it has come with good reason. I am happy within myself, and I sometimes don't know if I ever want to be able to have that happiness taken away again. Yet, I put myself out there, and I met someone new (who woulda guessed that one HAHA). Someone like me. Someone who can get whatever he wants when he wants it, like me. Someone who has been hurt and broken WAY TOO MANY hearts, like me. Someone who doesn't care what people think, but most of all, I have met someone who accepts me for who I am--up or down, nice or mean. My only question is if I am willing to give it all again, and if I am willing to get hurt, because whether they mean it or not, they will always hurt us.

I'm still the girl who dreams of playing professional tennis, and all I think about is getting in shape, again. I'm still the girl who only has a couple friends, and who will cut someone off in a heartbeat. But, the love I have for my friends now is different. I love them with all my heart, but they do not make me or break me. I can finally rely on myself for happiness, again--like I could as a kid. Now, this does not mean I don't need people or my friends or family or boyfriend, because through all my self-sufficientness, I still have joy in my heart and soul when my loved-ones come around. I just do not rely on them for my warm-heartedness anymore, but through that, they bring me more joy than ever.

I'm still the girl who doesn't fix her hair and plays Xbox360 a little too much, and I still do not have fear for myself. I still can't feel pain, and I am still searching for a weakness. Most people don't find self-security until they are in their 30s, but I know my car-wreck (which I am now thankful for) really changed my perspective on life and that day, August 13, 2009, made me the strong person I am today. I'm secure, I'm strong, I'm self-sufficient and, most importantly, I am happy.

I'm still a gypsy soul, and I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I'm living one of my dreams, right now, and finding out that sometimes those dreams aren't how we imagined them. And, I am finally seeing that the grass isn't greener on the other side (or across the pond), and where ever I am standing is always going to be beautiful to me.

I'm more of an adrenaline junkie than ever, and I appreciate Knoxville, TN more than anywhere in the world. I realize how much I love my mom and how much she is willing to do for me. And, I finally know how much she loves me. I see that I took for granted the years of tennis I had, and I see where I could have made significant changes, but the difference is now, I do not regret it, because I am where I am in my life, because of those choices.

I still think elephants are the most incredible animals, and I finally got the tattoo on my side that I have been wanting. I'm finally trying to live my life how a Buddhist would--within reason, y'all. I'm able to bite my tongue for once in my life...okay, I can bite it to a certain point before I give the world a piece of my mind, and I'm still the girl who is a lover, but who will fight until the end. I still see my friends as family, and I want to break anyone who hurts them--sorry Buddha. The difference is, now, I let things roll. I see that some people just can't help their ignorance, and some people are too stupid to change their ignorance into  knowledge.

I am still the girl who hates sitting in a desk and being told what to learn, but I have decided to go back to school.

I learned that the best things can be right in front of our noses for over a year, and it may have taken that long for us to notice for a reason.  I learned that sometimes you sacrifice your pride to see others smile.

I still think a child's joy is the most blissful and beautiful thing on this Earth. I'm still the dreamer and think I can do anything.

I turn to music now and writing my blog to relieve my angst. I am working on not taking out my emotions on others, still, and it will take me a long time to finally work through my horrible life-long ways. But, I am getting there. Step by step, day by day. I am getting a little closer to being exactly who I strive to be, and I now see that even if I do not get "there," I will always, always be happy. "I'm Alive," by Kenny Chesney has helped put a perspective on the last few years of my life. I'm alive and well, and there is nothing that can bring me down anymore.

It's February 25, 2011. I have two weeks left in Italy. I cannot wait to get home. And, best of all, I'm still happy.