Everybody was Kungfoo fightingggg

This morning we wasted an hour refereeing between Ooguay and Frog. Frog has not eaten since A bought him. This morning A decided to put tuna and (wtf?) Mandarin oranges in the fish tank. While Fish peacefully ate his own kind, Frog and Ooguay fought for the champion orange! Frog tried to claw Ooguay's eyes out, but O's a turtle, c'mon. The Albino African Claw Frog is no match for his head tucking abilities... not to mention Frog is kinda small due to the lack in proper diet/tank size.

And, you are thinking what is the significance of this?

Well, once again I am relating the most peculiar set of animals to our every day lives. If you are in an equivalent sized environment, living with the same people day to day, you are bound to have some fights. Obviously Frog learned his lesson, and when we left to work out, Frog was on the opposite of the tank from Ooguay.

We can't help but to think that Fish was cheering Ooguay on as he tried to eat Frog. (Frog is a bit of an asshole and snapped at Fish.)

So, if we are constantly stuck in the same living quarters, who is the say that we will be sweet and kind every moment of the day. We won't. How could we? Especially when you mix two dominating hot-heads--such as Ooguay and Frog (or Meats and Maroo).

This week I am going to try something knew: Do not sweat the small stuff. It's something I always do. I don't sweat the big stuff though. Let's hope I can successfully do this with out any back-fires or mishaps. I think I need to learn how to treat my loved-ones with more...um... love.

<3

.......

I really want to take Ooguay and release him into the wild. His life is so boring. Fish seems to like his tank... Frog is a rahtard and won't eat. But, Ooguay was caught in the wild. He was born freeeeeee.

I guess I feel like this, because it's storming, and I'm standing in A's kitchen watching Ooguay, Fish and Frog swim in their always perfect, very boring environment. Poor little guys. Reminds me of when I was in Italy and how every day was absolutely gorgeous. Everyday was absolutely boring. I mean that in the best way possible. But, I really needed to be released from the "perfect tank" I was living in. Beauty, if constant, gets old and ugly. That doesn't mean I do not see beauty in storms, because I do. I love storms, thunder, lightening and crazy rain just as much as I love blue skies and puffy white clouds.

Now, I do not like that the power is flickering. Heeeeeh. And, I don't like that Frog may be blind and that it's hailing. But, other than that, I am happy.

<3

Dear vindictive women, family members and so-called best friends,

Who the hell do you think you are to treat me the way you are treating me? Do you even know me? No. Are you basing your knowledge of me on someone else's statements? Yes. Is that pathetic? Yes. You obviously do not have anything better to do than try to hurt me or make up bullshit about me.

So, you wanna know the truth? I'm sure you read this, creeps.

Guess what?! I am the one who has been with him every night for the last five months. I am the one who has been with him every day for the last five months. I am the one he refers to as his girlfriend, even if it's not bullshit facebook official. I am the one he is wrapping his arms around. I am the one HE pursued for a year and a half. I am the one he is talking to all day.

Guess what else?! She has been lying about a lot of stuff; open your eyes. It's my choice not to come around when she is around. But, from now on, you better believe I will be there holding my head up.

Keep calling me ugly, trash, a whore, a slut and a bitch. Just shows how little class you have. It really shows how little class you have knowing I have never even been rude to any of you. I actually have tried to be nice to all of you. I even apologized about one of my friends being mean to Erin or "Airren" as she likes, because she's so desperate to be someone she is not, to have someone she can't, won't and never has had. But, she took that apology and twisted it into little lies. For all I know, she believes what she has been spewing out of her mouth. I don't give a rat's rear-end anymore.

I have only taken the time to type this out, because I feel the need to explain my side. It will be the only time I say it, and it is the last time I will ever bring it up. Keep talking, please. Karma will get you. I used to talk to, and guess what? Karma got me in the ass. I used to use people too, and guess what? Karma got me in the ass. What goes around comes around.

So, keep posting your pathetic statuses, comments and wall-posts. Keep saying snide remarks when I am around. I'll keep being the bigger person, because I know I am not doing a damn thing wrong, and I have not done a damn thing wrong in this five months relationship.

I get what I want, bitch. I always have, and I always will. You should learn to deal with it, because you are going to suffer some greater consequences and challenges in the near future. Good luck; you're gonna need it.

And, for the family and "best friends" of Austin who run their mouths about me. Keep talkin'. I'll keep quiet, and I'll just keep sittin' and lookin' pretty while you look more trashy by the second. Oh, and call me ugly. It really, truly pushes me to better myself. Sorry that I do not have to cake on make-up like the rest of you females to feel confident and secure with who I am. I am not insecure.

Okay, I'm finished. :)

<3

Not always with bad intentions do I hurt.

Today begins a Knoxville tradition of Sundown in the City. Which, for the second time in my existence, I will be attending. Basically, it is a bunch of drunk and/or high people watching mediocre music. I'm only going because I want to see my cousin--whom I haven't seen in about six months. I have a feeling I won't last very long. Plus, it's very hard for me to not feel alone when I am in a crowd that large without my can-o-beans by my side.

Anyways, I have felt a lot of disgust and disappointment with people lately. I guess Mom just gave me better raisin' than that. While I know I am rough around the edges and a bit scary at times, I almost always mean well with my actions and words. So, while I sit her alone in this ghetto/haunted apartment listening to Adele Radio on Pandora I contemplate if anyone is ever who they seem...do they mean well by their actions that I view as horrible? Do they not mean to be dishonest, distrustful or disgusting? Do they really think it's okay?  I, to myself, always see that I am being true to the people that I am around, and I always see that my intentions are warm-hearted, but is that how the people who surround me see it?
    
For instance, Meats had set a time, or I thought so, but apparently "around 5:15" actually means nothing to guys even though I thought it meant between 5:00 and 5:30. Well, at 5:45 I had to contact him and ask him where the hell he was--not mad mind you, worried. He was still there, he had not informed me that he hadn't left, and you know what? He didn't leave until 6:45, only to arrive about 7:15! Well, my frustration turned into heart-ache, because "people who are late think their time is more valuable than yours." After many tears and fists to the air, lol, we arrived at my parents (45 minutes late). My family, Austin and I discussed the matter. He didn't mean anything by it. Now, this baffled me. I mean I was like, "STOP MAKING THAT UP!" Mom shut me up, looked at me, and asked me how many times Dad is late. I thought, and I realized he is late 99% of the time and rarely calls to explain when he will be arriving and why he's late. To men, "around 5:15" doesn't have a time-frame, and not calling to keep touch means nothing bad; their minds just don't work like that.

So, could I be doing things to others that do hurt even though I see them as something that's not a big deal? Could we all? I guess to each is own. And, just because I think being late is one of the most rude actions... ever... doesn't mean the person who is late is meaning to be inconsiderate or hurtful to me.

But, after that conversation, A has kept me up-to-date on time-frames, and he's attempting to not be late... I think.

<3

Here lately,

I've been seriously questioning my life standing. While we all know tennis is my dream; we don't know what my current life is. I suppose my real question is, "What the hell am I doing?"

Day in and Day out I waste time doing nothing. Literally, nothing. I have no friends, and you know what, I'm sick of the crap that comes along with them; therefore, I don't care too much. Oh, how I long for Sex and the City friends. Obviously it still bothers me being alone all the time, but then I think how little I'm getting hurt, talked about or used right now and it makes me feel a-okay. Anyways, I could be spending hours on the court, rather than driving around. I could be serving. I could be drop-feeding to myself. I could be hitting with H or Dad. I could be calling up everyone in Knoxville to hit, but... I'm not. I mean I don't have any excuses. I don't have a job, friends or a life. I don't have obligations or bills to worry about. All I have is myself and nine hours from noon until 9:00 P.M. So, what the hell am I doing? I COULD be doing so many things, but I am not. I am not living my life, and I'm stuck in a day-to-day rut. Heck, I'm not even cooking dinner right now, A is.

How did I get here? How did I stop loving day-long battles on the court? But, most of all, how do I get back to me? I need to start living again and stop dreaming. So, here's to today, right now. Here's to the moment. This is the first day of the rest of my life, and I'm going to own it.

It's time to get my head on straight, make my dreams a reality, and to be alive again.

<3

paternity test plz!

Well, the time is here. I am sitting in Panera, because I am on-call to take him to the hospital for the birth of his first-born-son with an illegitimate woman. Turning back the hands of time would be greatly appreciated in this moment. I feel like I am going to puke, cry, laugh, and shit my pants at the same time. I am so dizzy, and I can't see anything except for her in the hospital room and him text to her. And, while I wish it never happened, and while I wish it's someone else's I still can't help but to be happy about the miracle of life that's about to pop out of her.

And, last night, I was asked why I would ever be with a man who has a kid, and my answer was, "why wouldn't I?" A child is innocent. A child is love and life and wonder. It's not a death sentence, and I have no right to judge someone on the same incident that could have easily happened to me or my brother. I would never want a woman to ditch my brother because he had a child. Shit happens. Yeah, that's what we call life.

I still can't help but to hurt.

breaking off.

Change is the ONLY guaranteed thing in life. Change is the ONLY guaranteed action in life. So, why is change so hard sometimes?

Recently, I have lost my best friend, or who I thought was my best friend. And, I am no longer hurt or worried, but I am still confused. You can have years of friendship of someone and a couple months, people or changes can take that friendship away. Which leads me to believe that maybe it was never there. So, why am I debating doing to same thing?

I am so happy with where I am in life, besides the no-job fail. I am so happy with who I am with in life, but it's not good enough, and I guess that's because it's so hard for me to ever be satisfied. I have grown up pushing and pushing to be the best, or being pushed by someone around me. I have grown up pushing people around me, even the people who are closest to me. I, for once, am completely satisfied with someone, but it isn't good enough. Which is hard to explain when you're sitting next to someone who feels like they aren't what you want. So, to openly correct myself..

I love you, no matter how many times I have denied it; no matter how many people I have denied it        to, I love you. And, I don't mean I have love for you, because we both have the same views on this subject. I mean I am whole heartedly, 100%, completely, absolutely in love with you, and I am terrified, and yes, I am old-fashioned, and yes, I won't ever admit to it or tell you. And, you hate Taylor Swift, oh, how you hate her, but she helps me deal with how crazy inside I go for you every single time you walk by me or touch me or kiss me. If you weren't so thick-headed or blind, you could see or feel it.

I don't want the title; I want the man. I don't need the title; I need THEM to know. But, how am I supposed to explain this to someone who is as hard-headed as me, who is exactly like me. You'd think it'd be easier to explain considering it's like talking to yourself, but it's not, and it's not, because I know how hard to handle I am, how ridiculously I take statements. I just want you to know that all I want is you, and I know how you feel about me even if you rarely say it. 

You make me see that I am valuable; you make me forget about all the idiots who have hurt me. You don't even know what or how you do it; you just play it off that you're just that much of a bad ass. We both know you're not THAT much of a bad ass.

Change is scary, but change is the only guaranteed thing in my life, and maybe the changes that have recently happened are for the best.

<3