Today begins a Knoxville tradition of Sundown in the City. Which, for the second time in my existence, I will be attending. Basically, it is a bunch of drunk and/or high people watching mediocre music. I'm only going because I want to see my cousin--whom I haven't seen in about six months. I have a feeling I won't last very long. Plus, it's very hard for me to not feel alone when I am in a crowd that large without my can-o-beans by my side.
Anyways, I have felt a lot of disgust and disappointment with people lately. I guess Mom just gave me better raisin' than that. While I know I am rough around the edges and a bit scary at times, I almost always mean well with my actions and words. So, while I sit her alone in this ghetto/haunted apartment listening to Adele Radio on Pandora I contemplate if anyone is ever who they seem...do they mean well by their actions that I view as horrible? Do they not mean to be dishonest, distrustful or disgusting? Do they really think it's okay? I, to myself, always see that I am being true to the people that I am around, and I always see that my intentions are warm-hearted, but is that how the people who surround me see it?
For instance, Meats had set a time, or I thought so, but apparently "around 5:15" actually means nothing to guys even though I thought it meant between 5:00 and 5:30. Well, at 5:45 I had to contact him and ask him where the hell he was--not mad mind you, worried. He was still there, he had not informed me that he hadn't left, and you know what? He didn't leave until 6:45, only to arrive about 7:15! Well, my frustration turned into heart-ache, because "people who are late think their time is more valuable than yours." After many tears and fists to the air, lol, we arrived at my parents (45 minutes late). My family, Austin and I discussed the matter. He didn't mean anything by it. Now, this baffled me. I mean I was like, "STOP MAKING THAT UP!" Mom shut me up, looked at me, and asked me how many times Dad is late. I thought, and I realized he is late 99% of the time and rarely calls to explain when he will be arriving and why he's late. To men, "around 5:15" doesn't have a time-frame, and not calling to keep touch means nothing bad; their minds just don't work like that.
So, could I be doing things to others that do hurt even though I see them as something that's not a big deal? Could we all? I guess to each is own. And, just because I think being late is one of the most rude actions... ever... doesn't mean the person who is late is meaning to be inconsiderate or hurtful to me.
But, after that conversation, A has kept me up-to-date on time-frames, and he's attempting to not be late... I think.
<3
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