breaking off.

Change is the ONLY guaranteed thing in life. Change is the ONLY guaranteed action in life. So, why is change so hard sometimes?

Recently, I have lost my best friend, or who I thought was my best friend. And, I am no longer hurt or worried, but I am still confused. You can have years of friendship of someone and a couple months, people or changes can take that friendship away. Which leads me to believe that maybe it was never there. So, why am I debating doing to same thing?

I am so happy with where I am in life, besides the no-job fail. I am so happy with who I am with in life, but it's not good enough, and I guess that's because it's so hard for me to ever be satisfied. I have grown up pushing and pushing to be the best, or being pushed by someone around me. I have grown up pushing people around me, even the people who are closest to me. I, for once, am completely satisfied with someone, but it isn't good enough. Which is hard to explain when you're sitting next to someone who feels like they aren't what you want. So, to openly correct myself..

I love you, no matter how many times I have denied it; no matter how many people I have denied it        to, I love you. And, I don't mean I have love for you, because we both have the same views on this subject. I mean I am whole heartedly, 100%, completely, absolutely in love with you, and I am terrified, and yes, I am old-fashioned, and yes, I won't ever admit to it or tell you. And, you hate Taylor Swift, oh, how you hate her, but she helps me deal with how crazy inside I go for you every single time you walk by me or touch me or kiss me. If you weren't so thick-headed or blind, you could see or feel it.

I don't want the title; I want the man. I don't need the title; I need THEM to know. But, how am I supposed to explain this to someone who is as hard-headed as me, who is exactly like me. You'd think it'd be easier to explain considering it's like talking to yourself, but it's not, and it's not, because I know how hard to handle I am, how ridiculously I take statements. I just want you to know that all I want is you, and I know how you feel about me even if you rarely say it. 

You make me see that I am valuable; you make me forget about all the idiots who have hurt me. You don't even know what or how you do it; you just play it off that you're just that much of a bad ass. We both know you're not THAT much of a bad ass.

Change is scary, but change is the only guaranteed thing in my life, and maybe the changes that have recently happened are for the best.

<3