1 week.

So, I’m sitting here typing this on ‘pages’ in LaGuardia Airport... you know the huge airport in NYC.... Yeah, apparently they don’t offer WiFi that actually works. Fail, much?

I’m on my way home to Knoxville, btws. Incase you thought I was flying to Italy already for some crazy reason. I cannot wait to be back to Knoxville. I LOVED NYC! I mean, really, I loved the city, but honestly, I think Knoxville is so much more legit. Yeah, less culture, food and activity, but there is something about Knoxville and the U of Tennessee that screams to my heart. It will always be home to me.

BUT, that doesn’t mean I still don’t plan to move to Connecticut :)

I got to see a couple of my cousins, and drink some margaritas. I went to the Natural History Museum and took ridiculous pictures. Actually, I just took a lot of pictures in general. And ate. Lordy, did I eat. I ate so much. ha! I think I gained a good 15 pounds, no joke. Hope the men don’t mind my larger assets. ;)

I’m pretty pumped to see my friends tonight. I have desperately missed them, and it has only been 5 days. That’s really not a good sign for Italy. My cold feet are starting to freeze. :/ Hopefully, this is still the right decision for me. 

I’m not pumped to go back to not looking cute. I hope to keep up the cuteness in Italy, and I mean I suppose I can keep dressing nice my last few days in K-Town.

Good lord I’m about to cry, in an airport, alone, having to pee and a little cold. I am going to miss NYC, but mainly I am going to miss my fav cuz, Alexis. But, that isn’t my reason for tears. I have grown so close to a couple people recently, and I literally, 100% don’t know how I am going to leave them. Kelly Myers, no matter what, you are my best friend. I literally, absolutely love you. 

Okay, I’m crying now. I keep having flash thoughts of all these things I’m going to miss, yet I keep having thoughts of all the things I am going to see. I’m terrified that my friends won’t be mine anymore when I come home, and that the boy I am crazy about, who I don’t even know if I have now, will have moved on completely. I’m scared my parents will have for once stuck to their word and sold the house. I’m scared my grandparents will no longer be living. I’m scared Tootsie won’t make it another year, and I’m scared something will happen to Vinny. But, most of all, I am scared I will change. I’m scared I’ll come back and fit in even less, and I’m scared the people I love at the moment will no longer be lovable. I’m scared I’m going to regret missing a year of my family or my brother will have a kid while I’m gone. I’m so upset about missing my great friend’s first child being born. I’m scared that if I don’t go to Italy I will regret it, and I’m scared if I do go I won’t be happy. It’s all happening so soon. I’m going to miss a birthday, a Christmas, a Thanksgiving, a Halloween, a wedding, a homecoming and I’m going to miss my hair stylist. This sounds so petty and stupid, and it’s strange that it’s not my family I’m worried about missing; it’s the gatherings and connections I share with my family.

I’m still crying. And, through the tears, I see a little light in the blur. I can always come home. I can always stay. And for all I know, I may never come back. I may love Italy.

It’s Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 6:51 PM. I am in Brooklyn, NY at LaGuardia Airport. And, I have less than 7 days until I move to Brescia, Italy.

I’m officially terrified.

P.S. Midflight I have begun typing again, and I would just like to announce that the NYC nighttime view from the air is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life. Nature doesn’t always equal beauty, and man-man electrified metals aren’t always ugly.