The rain tapping...

...on my window-perched, cheap A/C unit is calming me after today. I am officially registered for school, and I start classes September 3rd. :)

There's so much on my mind still. I have so much to do, so much to figure out, and I have so many things to discuss with Filip. We never have time. We have to make time. I also have to let myself go. I have to let my guard down. I have to say everything that I feel and want and need. I have to be vocal for the both of us. I want to be vocal for the both of us. I want us to be happy. I know how difficult I can be. I know how self absorbed I can be--just look at this paragraph of "I's!"

At the end of the day, I just want to be happy; I can say that I am happy, every day. Even on my worst days, I am happy. I nearly died once, you know, and during my 13 month recovery I learned just how precious time is. Be wild, make ridiculous decisions, say everything you shouldn't say, and love the life you live... After all, you only have this moment guaranteed.

So, here's my favorite quote--maybe, just maybe, it will help you take baby steps in the direction of the life you truly want to be living:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You'll see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

XOXO

And here's where I start to get worried...

Every now and then I regret moving to New York with someone else, and maybe that is selfish of me, but I am only twenty two years old; sometimes, I just want to worry about me, myself and I.

The truth of the matter is: I will hustle, I will dive, I will grind and I will do whatever it takes to get what I want. That being said, my best friend--my roommate, does not have that drive. We also have two completely different wants.

I want to live in Manhattan. While I love Brooklyn, so much, I really want to live in Manhattan. I want the hustle and bustle, and I do not want to worry about the subway to and from Brooklyn each day, each evening, or after each evening we go out.

Callie, however, wishes to live in Brooklyn. Cost wise it is far more realistic, but like I said, I will do whatever I want to get where I want. I am scared that I will allow myself to miss out on my dreams just so Callie is left to figure it out on her own.

Factor number four: I am married now. My husband is living in Manhattan, end of story. Hello! That's not only where I want to be, but it's where I have to be.

So, who sacrifices? We can always get a 3 or 4 bedroom and split it between multiple people and live that way. She could live with my cousin. I mean money is just a serious issue, drive is a serious issue.

Tonight, I will finally have the talk with her.

Wish me luck.

xoxo

Breaking News

As of September 3rd, I will officially be starting esthetics school in New York City!!!!!!

I am so beyond excited to finally be stepping in the direction of my other dream: to be a successful makeup artist. The program sets aside 86 hours for makeup, so I am truly blessed to have found such a fantastic school to be accepted to. Hopefully, after I graduate the program, I can start attending an actual makeup school and legally claim myself as a makeup artist. 

It's going to be a rough 4 months; I will be living and working and going to school in the city Monday through Friday, and I will be back to The Hamptons Saturday and Sunday to work. 

Enjoy the first few pictures and the last couple pictures from my last couple days off. :)

I love my family and friends and cute little hubs. 

Xoxo

Wedding Bells and Fairy Tales

Self exclamatory :)

Hehehhe

Xoxo

72 hours, but more importantly, 31 hours.

The first time we met, I managed to not make eye contact. His friend was interviewing for a position at the club I teach at. She got the job, and he stuck around.

The second time we met, I weaseled my way across the court and through 20 other pros to make sure he became my partner for the upcoming drills.

The third? We sat on opposite ends of a table in his home--since his friend and I have become relatively close the last couple weeks. We joked a lot, and he challenged me.

"Are you hungry?" -Him
"What are you talking about?!" -Me
"I can cook you something; I have granola bars, too." -Him
"One, I do not trust your cooking. Two, I cannot eat wheat, weirdo." -Me
30 seconds later...
"Are you sure you don't want food?" -Him
"Why do you keep asking me this?" -Me
"Because, you keep eating your hands and fingers--you seem hungry." -Him

Within 72 hours of that evening I had stopped biting my nails and gotten a manicure; 24 hours later, he complimented my hands.

Another 48 hours passed, and a whirlwind of an evening caught up with me, and I left his home--not because of him. As I reached my car, my phone lit up. "If you want we can go for a drink... if you're not too pissed." We drove, and without any direction, we continued to drive. I decided to turn for my favorite beach--a place he had not been. Two hours later, we walked along the full-moon-lit shoreline back to my car. We drove back to my work and sat while we talked and ate Snickers icecream.

Fast forward 32 hours. We have been shopping for specifics--swimsuits to take to Shelter Island, so we can swim at one of his client's homes. Shopping does not bring out the best in me--worst actually. It's like me being hungry--I get super annoyed and testy. That being said, on top of the shopping, ole grumpy gills herself (me) was starving. We head to Shelter Island--his favorite place out here--for some Mexican food. Of course, the place was closed. On to the grocery store--which, might I add, we both have a strange love for. Ok, blah, blah, blah.

The next day, we wake up, sweating to death from the lack of air conditioning on the island.

I shower, get dressed, and we leave. He drives me to my home where I cook and we eat breakfast, then he drops me off at work. I'm really confused at this point.

I slept in a bed with a literally gorgeous 24 year old man, nearly naked, and nothing happened. There was one really awkward pop kiss from me, naturally. Nothing happened, though. I couldn't decide if this was a good or a bad thing.

Does he like me? Is he gay? Did I do something wrong? Am I gross? Maybe he was just being respectful?

Well, apparently, he likes me, he's not gay, and I did nothing wrong.

31 hours later... I found all that out.

<3 p="">

A little bit off

So much has been going through my head the last week. Should I stay? Should I go?

Of course I am talking about 14 months down the road and two Summer-seasons at EHIT, but I still cannot help to obsess over it. I have said it a million times, if EHIT was in the city, I would stay there forever, but the reality is that it is in fact 90 miles from New York City--the place I set out to venture to nearly seven months ago.

What makes it even worse is that my boss hugged me yesterday and sat to talk for a bit. "You have so much knowledge--well beyond your years--and we are just so happy you chose EHIT. I really see a long career here with us." Key in the water works, please. I love this man like he's my father, and it will be just like telling my father goodbye when I leave.

Do I see myself leaving? Yes and no. I see myself living in the city, but I do not see myself working elsewhere. I do not see myself living in East Hampton, New York even though I already am living here, but I see myself working at EHIT. I see myself doing makeup in the city, and this is probably where all my confusion comes from. How am I supposed to do makeup and afford living in a place that costs double of where I am at and pays 1/5 of what I am paid?! I simply cannot justify anything.

Even if I teach tennis, I will still be making $20 less an hour in the city--unless I look at other places, but I want to have the summers off to work at EHIT. Or do I? Do I just want to stay year-round in the city? I don't know. I never will know. I cannot decide these things until I am doing them.

The cold hard truth is, I have a car and a student loan and a lease and everything else in my life to pay off before I can even consider moving to the city. Not to mention, I need to save at least $15,000. So, reality is, I need to stay here another 14 months to get my feet off the ground and move into the place I am dreaming of with a bang.

I don't know.

Maybe I'll end up moving to Australia or California or wherever the hell else I want!

I do love New York City. I do love it. But, I love the career I have been given here.

There is also Callie to remember, though it is my own life. I want to make sure we both get to live out our dreams in New York City--together.

The more I type the more I realize that I want to be in NYC... now. I want to be there yesterday and the 6 months before that.

The beach is a nice change up, though.

xoxo

One month later.

It has been a month since my last post, and today was the first true Summerish day in East Hampton. I spent it on the beach and on the courts. And, now, I am finishing up an absolutely perfect day by cooking.

I currently do not have much to discuss, so here's a picture to enlighten how I feel.

Happy Friday everyone.

xoxo