A little bit off

So much has been going through my head the last week. Should I stay? Should I go?

Of course I am talking about 14 months down the road and two Summer-seasons at EHIT, but I still cannot help to obsess over it. I have said it a million times, if EHIT was in the city, I would stay there forever, but the reality is that it is in fact 90 miles from New York City--the place I set out to venture to nearly seven months ago.

What makes it even worse is that my boss hugged me yesterday and sat to talk for a bit. "You have so much knowledge--well beyond your years--and we are just so happy you chose EHIT. I really see a long career here with us." Key in the water works, please. I love this man like he's my father, and it will be just like telling my father goodbye when I leave.

Do I see myself leaving? Yes and no. I see myself living in the city, but I do not see myself working elsewhere. I do not see myself living in East Hampton, New York even though I already am living here, but I see myself working at EHIT. I see myself doing makeup in the city, and this is probably where all my confusion comes from. How am I supposed to do makeup and afford living in a place that costs double of where I am at and pays 1/5 of what I am paid?! I simply cannot justify anything.

Even if I teach tennis, I will still be making $20 less an hour in the city--unless I look at other places, but I want to have the summers off to work at EHIT. Or do I? Do I just want to stay year-round in the city? I don't know. I never will know. I cannot decide these things until I am doing them.

The cold hard truth is, I have a car and a student loan and a lease and everything else in my life to pay off before I can even consider moving to the city. Not to mention, I need to save at least $15,000. So, reality is, I need to stay here another 14 months to get my feet off the ground and move into the place I am dreaming of with a bang.

I don't know.

Maybe I'll end up moving to Australia or California or wherever the hell else I want!

I do love New York City. I do love it. But, I love the career I have been given here.

There is also Callie to remember, though it is my own life. I want to make sure we both get to live out our dreams in New York City--together.

The more I type the more I realize that I want to be in NYC... now. I want to be there yesterday and the 6 months before that.

The beach is a nice change up, though.

xoxo