4.

Ah the sound of roaring skooters reverberating against the walls of the one lane--not neccessarily one way--streets. By the way, Italy doesn't believe in accurate or consistant street signs. And, my itouch doesn't believe in spell check 8/.

Might I add that I got lost in the streets of Brescia (pronounced bray-sha) for 2 hours yesterday before I sacrificed my obnoxious pride and asked for directions... Then, another hour trying to follow very fast, very Italian directions.

Good lord do I hate being so alone at night. I need my best friend or beau to c'mere and rescue me.

OKAY, it's not THAT bad. Oh my sweet baby Jesus the food is divine. So is the marble house I'm living in. Seriously? Is this from a movie?

I still am ready to come on home to my Tennessee hills. I just need to be hugged by someone I know. Not random people who believe it okay kiss my cheeks. My cheeks, Euros; mine!

Ciao, bambino. Baci!

Day 2 or 3. Depending on timezone. Ha!

So, I've been here for a bit and it is gorgeous. So are the men. Too bad I have absolutely no interest in meeting one. I have no interest in being here to be honest. There is too much for me to worry about back home. I'm on an itouch btws; I can only talk to people when I have internet... Awesome. I know I sound negative, but for some reason I knew I shouldn't have come to Italy. I have business to take care of in good ole Tennessee. I won't be here a year and now I thi k I'll be lucky to last 3 months. I'm so lost that it is pathetic. I really need to get my head back on my shoulders asap. Happiness has made me a little too lax. :) not that I want to be unhappy. I just need to find that balance.

It is day 2/3 and I am already being called home. I am weaker than I thought, or maybe it isn't weakness it's just knowing where I'd rather be. Italy, you are beautiful, so I'll give you a chance.

Knoxville, I will see you soon.

I will be on a plane to Europe tomorrow at 8:10 p.m.

     My flight was cancelled for this past Tuesday--thank goodness. I needed the last few days, the extra few days.

     I am sad to leave, but excited to go. It's funny. I learned that moving doesn't mean leaving, at all. There will be a whole lot of my heart left here.

     But, I will make the best of my situation. I will be okay. And, hell, if I don't like it I will come back. I learned a long time ago that nothing is worth sacrificing my happiness. <3

1 week.

So, I’m sitting here typing this on ‘pages’ in LaGuardia Airport... you know the huge airport in NYC.... Yeah, apparently they don’t offer WiFi that actually works. Fail, much?

I’m on my way home to Knoxville, btws. Incase you thought I was flying to Italy already for some crazy reason. I cannot wait to be back to Knoxville. I LOVED NYC! I mean, really, I loved the city, but honestly, I think Knoxville is so much more legit. Yeah, less culture, food and activity, but there is something about Knoxville and the U of Tennessee that screams to my heart. It will always be home to me.

BUT, that doesn’t mean I still don’t plan to move to Connecticut :)

I got to see a couple of my cousins, and drink some margaritas. I went to the Natural History Museum and took ridiculous pictures. Actually, I just took a lot of pictures in general. And ate. Lordy, did I eat. I ate so much. ha! I think I gained a good 15 pounds, no joke. Hope the men don’t mind my larger assets. ;)

I’m pretty pumped to see my friends tonight. I have desperately missed them, and it has only been 5 days. That’s really not a good sign for Italy. My cold feet are starting to freeze. :/ Hopefully, this is still the right decision for me. 

I’m not pumped to go back to not looking cute. I hope to keep up the cuteness in Italy, and I mean I suppose I can keep dressing nice my last few days in K-Town.

Good lord I’m about to cry, in an airport, alone, having to pee and a little cold. I am going to miss NYC, but mainly I am going to miss my fav cuz, Alexis. But, that isn’t my reason for tears. I have grown so close to a couple people recently, and I literally, 100% don’t know how I am going to leave them. Kelly Myers, no matter what, you are my best friend. I literally, absolutely love you. 

Okay, I’m crying now. I keep having flash thoughts of all these things I’m going to miss, yet I keep having thoughts of all the things I am going to see. I’m terrified that my friends won’t be mine anymore when I come home, and that the boy I am crazy about, who I don’t even know if I have now, will have moved on completely. I’m scared my parents will have for once stuck to their word and sold the house. I’m scared my grandparents will no longer be living. I’m scared Tootsie won’t make it another year, and I’m scared something will happen to Vinny. But, most of all, I am scared I will change. I’m scared I’ll come back and fit in even less, and I’m scared the people I love at the moment will no longer be lovable. I’m scared I’m going to regret missing a year of my family or my brother will have a kid while I’m gone. I’m so upset about missing my great friend’s first child being born. I’m scared that if I don’t go to Italy I will regret it, and I’m scared if I do go I won’t be happy. It’s all happening so soon. I’m going to miss a birthday, a Christmas, a Thanksgiving, a Halloween, a wedding, a homecoming and I’m going to miss my hair stylist. This sounds so petty and stupid, and it’s strange that it’s not my family I’m worried about missing; it’s the gatherings and connections I share with my family.

I’m still crying. And, through the tears, I see a little light in the blur. I can always come home. I can always stay. And for all I know, I may never come back. I may love Italy.

It’s Tuesday, January 4, 2011 at 6:51 PM. I am in Brooklyn, NY at LaGuardia Airport. And, I have less than 7 days until I move to Brescia, Italy.

I’m officially terrified.

P.S. Midflight I have begun typing again, and I would just like to announce that the NYC nighttime view from the air is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life. Nature doesn’t always equal beauty, and man-man electrified metals aren’t always ugly.

Hello 2011! So very nice to see you.

     Well, I got sick. Thanks ulcers. While everyone else was running ramped in the city of New York, I was puking my brains out in a [tiny] Brooklyn apartment bathroom. But, damn, did I look good doin' it.

     I have been in NYC for 3 days now, and let me tell you, I L-O-V-E it. My hair has been wildly curly, and I have been dressed cute every time I left the apartment. I love it; I love this city. People are right when they say it is one of the best places in the world. It's beautiful and dramatic. Not to mention, my gorgeous and most favorite cousin is my tour guide for a week :). Love her.

     This AM I went out on a Brooklyn stroll--alone--and I did not get lost. I am going to go ahead and say, Knoxville, your food blows; why don't you gets some originality. NYC is so crafty and delicious. I had a REAL bagel this morning with REAL cream-cheese from this adorable coffee/pastry/anything you want shop, Ms. Deliah's. Sooooo scrumptious.

     We haven't done much except walk around, but walking 70-80 blocks is quite tiring, especially with someone who doesn't mope around (another thing I love--even my cousin is fast paced like me). We went to this crazy ass "mall," OK, the mall was outdoors for one and two the mall was in the middle of a freaking main street. I think we may go to Coney (sp?) Island tomorrow, and we are about to walk the famous Brooklyn Bridge and go to the MET. <3

     I decided to come back 2 days earlier, because I really need to get my stuff together for Italy. Nice chunk of change that cost me. I'm so excited to go, physically, but my mind and heart are already aching. I will openly accept visitors..... ;)

     Tomorrow, I am 20. I am 20. I am 20. I am TWENTY YEARS OLD. I am no longer a teenager. It's funny to think that Mom had a kid at my age and had been married for two years. Strong is all I have to say to that. It also leads me to wonder about my future and what the hell I'm doing with my life. It also makes me want to smack myself in the face. I am young, dumb AND stupid sometimes, but I will be forever young. Mama, I'm never growin' up.

     To 2010; to great memories, friends, food and laughter. To love and to the many people who have touched my life and heart this year. To my best friend, my family and my dog. I end 2010 with my passion, joy, laughter and heart back. I end 2010 happy, again. <3

   Sup, 2011? Wanna go for a ride?

And the year of happiness comes to an end....

But that doesn't mean the happiness is ending.

This will be my last blog of 2010.... :)
And, this will be my last blog as a teenager... :\

This year has been a year of heartbreak and love, friendships and breakups. This year has been a year of tears and finding my happiness again. It was been wonderful and so terrifying. I have learned that love isn't always enough and it doesn't always last. I have rekindled my friendship with my best friend, and I lost a best friend of five years. I went to Chik-fil-A, and had another ex-best friend tear up my order and still hand it to me (or her current bffff did) lol. I met the coolest people, and fell way too hard for a complete douche bag and had my heart broken by him just like I broke the heart of a boy who loved me, but I don't regret any moment of this year. I have made new friends, and I have made some serious enemies... maybe it should they should be called "frienemies". I did PLENTY of things I should not have, and still should not be doing... but it feels so good to be bad ;). I yelled too much, trusted too soon and got sick too often. I got a couple piercings, but I avoided the tattoo. I gained 15 pounds, but I have lost 8 of them. I played video games until 6 in the A.M. And, for once, I witnessed a snow in December. We had an ice storm and could skate in the street.... All the winter weather and it's not even Christmas, yet! I learned to be content, and I learned that I know what's best for myself. The glass is always half-full, and there is always a reason to believe in the positive. I learned to give far more than I will ever receive, and to give people the more chances. I have learned how beautiful quirks and goofiness are, and I have been taught to open my mind even more than I ever have before. I met someone who will for ever change my views, beliefs and life. I jumped off the deep end, and I decided to move to Italy in January. I love this year. It has been great. I have so many amazing memories and people and places and things.

I am so happy.
Thank you 2010; I hope 2011 is even more incredible.
<3 See you in the new year.

"Werk it girl. You put the boot in bootylicious"

And that's it. I am in a boot, and my friend said it's okay, because I'm sexy enough to rock it haha.

Guess I'll have to deal with it. I fell on a brick stair bare-foot and cracked my lateral right foot. Fun. Basically, that means that I cannot work out for 2-3 weeks, and if my foot is not healed by then I will be put in a cast. FML. Right before NYC and Italy. Better heal fast. Due to the lack of exercise, I am on a 3 week diet. Yes, the dreaded word I hate to use. I am on a DIET. I cannot work out, so I have to be able to extra careful about not gaining any more weight.
My favorite guy on the planet officially won't talk to me. Deleted off facebook. Blah. What can you do?

I apparently like pickles? According to my mom I like pumpkins? lol Gotta love my best friend and mom.
I have nothing to write about. I'm happy.
Happy December everyone :) It's holiday music time, and that makes me so happy! <3