Waking up

The cool air seems to make my mornings much better than the muggy summer heat, but it has the opposite effect on my heart.

While I'm not longing for A, I'm longing to not be alone. Waking up next to nothing makes me feel empty; seeing a picture of them together waking up makes me feel even emptier. And, it's hard to explain... While I don't care that they are together, it still feels like a slap in the face, and I also feel a slight bit of animosity towards their situation. I nearly sent her videos of us and pictures of us from Saturday night, but it's not even worth it.

Thank goodness for my best friends, though. K is coming over tomorrow for a girls day, and I'm going to her house after The Walk on Wednesday. C may come over tomorrow as well. Hair and face masks... joy.

J looked really cute today at work, my best friend's--C--brother, lol. We have amazing chemistry, and although I am not usually physically attracted to him, my heart beats hard for his personality. He's just calm. And sweet. And funny. Three things I haven't been around in a while with a man. We're just friends, for the most part, but he has slipped in a few kisses lately. He kisses so gently, and he hugs me so strong. Two things A has always failed to do.

And, as I type that, A starts blowing my phone up and calling me.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get away.

Xoxo

Foggy.

I cannot think. The last three weeks have been hell; from work to my family, everything has gone wrong. My grandparents are still getting death threats, and a girl at work is trying to get me fired. I just cannot handle bullshit, and if that makes me a weak person, then I'll gladly admit just how weak I am.

I think I am finally losing this connection to A. He has pushed me away so much. I told him that. Last night, he took me to dinner, and we met up with his friends, but by 10:30 PM, I told him I wanted to go. He was just sad. I told him though. I told him he was pushing me towards to deep end, and that I simply am starting to not care. But, what do I know? They are just my feelings and all. As I got out of his car, and told him I'd "maybe see" him "later or something," he looked like he was going to crumble to the ground and uttered, "I wish you cared. I really need you to care again." Sorry, A, I told you what you were doing to me was too much. Go enjoy baby mama, lol. I am just over it.

J actually has been chatting me up lately. Seems to be jealous of A, too.... well, and any other guy who talks to me. Wanna know what's weird? I literally, completely do not give two shits.

I am just ready to move.

Xoxo