As I sit here, eating my second bowl of Coco Puffs--at 6 in the morning, I realize that I had set a goal this week to not eat sweets this week. Fail. Again. But, I did avoid Maggie Moo’s and Godiva yesterday, not by choice I should say.
I have decided to take twelve months and live them with purpose. I have goals for each month, which will roll over in to the following month.
It is so easy to get lost in our busy lives, and most people just go through life on hyperdrive. I cannot bear it any longer, I want to be happy. I want the people around me to be happy, to respect me again, to not call me a bitch or to feel defensive around me. I want to make people feel amazing around me, but this does not mean I am about to build up someone or tell them lies. I am who I am. I will always be too honest and a little harsh--mainly, because I do not see it as too honest or harsh, I would appreciate someone like me. Blah, blah, blah.
Yearly, we set goals, and we do not follow through. It’s all so cliche`. I think most people set goals for the approval for others, such as: to get a better body or skin, to get up and dressed nicely every morning, but what about goals that benefit ourselves? What about losing 5% body fat, so you are no longer obese, to exercise three times a week for an hour to make YOUR heart stronger, to read a book a week or a month, or to take a day or even an hour for yourself, where you make yourself feel appreciated or feel a bit of happiness, each day.
This is why this year, my goal was to get back in shape--my new years goal I mean--and I have, and I feel better. I am no where near where I was, but that’s okay. I’m working back into it. I want to play tennis, again. I miss it, but I have to be in better shape to play. But this year, on spring break, being with my grandparents made me realize that I do not want to be unhappy anymore. I’m 19, and I’m already cynical! AH! HELP?! What would I be like when I was their age if I kept going like this?!
Thanks to Women’s Day Magazine, or something alone those lines, haha, I found an article on happiness. It was a brief article on happiness by the writer of The Happiness Project that made me take a big step back. I started by writing down and answering 8 questions about my life, my goals, my happiness, my wishes, and of course all the opposites, too--what I did not life, etc. Hello, awakening! I have so many great things happening to me. I have so many things that I love, and I have so many people who love me. So, why am I so grumpy, pompous, bitchy?
The question that got to my heart the most was, “Does my life reflect my values?” No, it does not. I am so mean, and I do not want to be this way. I was to befriend people and not feel so awkward. I want to stop judging people and being so cynical. I want to love people and be happy. I want true happiness, and I do not want to put the people I love most on the back burner. I do not want to treat my loved one like they are in the dog house, but before I can treat them with the most respect and love possible, I have to remake my life.
So, I have decided to blog. I think it will help me express myself and allow people to see what I am about, that I am not rude or unruly. I am truly a good hearted person, I know I am, I just need to get out of this funk. It will help me get out what I am thinking and feeling. Mostly, I think it will help me succeed.
And, here I am, opening up to complete strangers and people who think I’m a bitch and many other things. But, maybe I just do not care anymore. After all, this is about myself and my personal happiness project.
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