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     There are some things I can't take back and do not even care that they have happened. But if I could take one thing back, it would be the last day I left tennis early.
     My brother had made a fool out of me, I was completely embarrassed, two days in a row. The second day was the issue. As a kid, I ALWAYS was mad on the tennis court, everyone called me Moody Miranda, but what they didn't know what how messed up I was inside. I wasn't crazy or anything like that, but I wanted perfection so intensely that I drove myself to pure frustration and anger. Anyways, I had stopped really getting so mad a couple years ago or maybe a year ago, but my brother still decided that it was okay to tease me about it. Blah blah blah, okay, back to my story. I had gone all day (a long time in my brother's mind) with out getting angry, so when I got back from our lunch break and headed back out to the court my brother made a lovely announcement.
     "Okay, everyone loses the bet!" He yelled it quite loudly. Wonderful. Grand. Great. Make a fool out of me Bobby, right when I had finally gained everyones respect. (I had been offered numerous full rides to D1 colleges, and this finally made the other kids at practice stop thinking of me as such a joke.) Of course, he had made this grand bet that I would get angry with in a couple hours of practice the day before--when he had also embarrassed me, causing me to leave practice early, which allowed him to place the bet without me knowing.
     I stormed off the court, and I had reason to. I was 18, I was not a child, I was about to leave for college, I was about to accomplish amazing things, but that all changed. I left, drove around for a bit, then headed home. He texted me the whole way back, saying possibly the worst things I have ever heard. Telling me I would never amount to anything, which broke my heart. He WAS my idol. Ha. Funny how things change. It's so ironic. That whole day. It was the worst day of my life.
     I was home, but I wasn't crying anymore. I was so angry that I probably could have broken everything in the house, but Mom was there. She read all the text, saw what I said, what he said. Distraught is a perfect word to describe how we both felt. My dad called. My best friend called. They wanted me back at practice. They said everyone was embarrassed about what they had done, and they damn well should've been. I regret this. So, so much. I got in my car. Took a deep breath, started my engine and drove off.
     Everything is in a white cloud, a fog. I come to my senses--what little I have--only to see a man screaming at me, calling me a bitch, telling me he's going to sue me for everything I have. I look in my mirror, there is blood all over me, my nose is crooked and swollen. I can't move. Men are all around me, ambulances, cops, state troupers, people keeping the man who would become a stalker of my family later off me. I can't find a word to describe how I feel.
     I don't remember much before of after my wreck. I remember the hospital a little. It makes me sick to think about it. The smells and sounds are the worst part. I smell my wreck, I instantly break down. I hear tires squeak, I lose my breath. I may not remember much, but I remember the slow motion tracking in my brain. I remember my car spinning, hitting object after object, but I do not remember it stopping. I don't remember knowing what had happened.
     Because of that day, I have no college tennis career, I barely play tennis anymore. I rarely talk to my brother, and I am constantly skiddish in the car. I am terrible at math, and I am not the best student anymore. Because of that day, I have regrets. I regret allowing one selfish, insecure person make me feel like an ant. I regret allowing that person decide whether I am good enough or not. I regret allowing that person access to my heart. But I mainly regret not having enough pride to stand up and say, "What ever, just shows how mature you are." Because, if I just had let it roll off my back, that day wouldn't have happened.
     I hated my life for months, but I love my life now. I live on my own (with Scott), I support myself mostly, I'm with the man I love and will love forever, and I go to the best university. I have amazing friends--very few, but that's okay. I'm not totally happy. But I am learning to be happy with a regret. It's hard to explain. It takes that experience to understand I suppose. But I will forget and move on one day. I will be happy.