Here's the deal

Maybe it really just isn't all cracked up to be, or maybe I just cannot be satisfied with the beauty around me. I never want to settle, but I am desperate to grow roots. What do I love about being in Knoxville? I have places and faces that are mine. I have people who know my nickname is Maroo, and I have family who means everything to me.

But, I have that in New York, too, so I don't get what the problem is. I know I need to meet new people, but I cannot exactly understand how. I know I am a difficult person, and I know I don't exactly put off the 'bff' vibe when I first meet people. There still has to be a way though.

Maybe, I just need a place I love to live in--apartment I mean. Some place to call my home, not someone else's.

Today, I have an interview for a second job as a personal trainer. So, maybe the extra money will help me make it through the days and somehow get a place and somehow meet people. I know it takes a long time, especially up here. I know I have an uphill battle with not only myself, but with the people who surround me. This is their world, and I have just stumbled into it.

As for matters of the heart, we all know what is going on with those when it comes to me.

Drops of Jupiter.

xoxo

I've been slacking.

I am officially a New Yorker. I am also officially an employee of Scott J. Aveda... not a nanny--lolz.

I don't really know what to write, because I feel as if I cannot properly express myself on the internet anymore, but it's probably some stupid phase that I am going through.

xx

Madison to Battery Park City

Sitting in a Starbucks without WIFI on Madison Ave is not exactly the most ideal situation for someone who has a job interview all the way in Battery Park City and has no idea how to get there. 

The last few weeks have turned life upside down and back around a few different times. I cannot quite understand what is going on anymore. I have gone from tennis to nannying, and I have a job interview in both fields today. So, from BPC at the Ritz to Roosevelt Island and their racket club I will go. 

MIRACULOUSLY I HAVE WIFI!

The more and more I think about teaching in the city, the more and more I hate the idea of it. The more I think about living in someone's home as a nanny and getting paid to do so, the most I love the idea of it. It sucks that Tennessee doesn't look close, and I hate that my career is put on hold, but with the opportunity to simply profit money, and be able to straight up pay my bills off, I cannot be anything other than grateful.

The other thing I am debating: getting rid of my smart phone. I am so sick of being connected. I am not quite sure what else to do. All I need is e-mail. I do not need Facebook or Instagram or anything else. I need e-mail, and I may not even need e-mail if I get hired. 

So, let's see how the day goes. 

xoxo

So Long Sweet Summer

As the Summer comes to an end in The Hamptons, so does my life here. It has been a grueling 9 months, and I have grown in ways I did not even realize possible. I have learned who I am, and I have learned what I want out of life. I went home, and my friends complained that I have grown up too much and changed. Maybe I have, but it is for the best. I am twenty two years old, and I love myself. How many people my age can say that?

So many things have happened this Summer, and I quit the job that brought me here four weeks ago--which was the best decision I have made over the past few months, but it also means no school and a lost of $350 for the application fee and books I already opened. But, more importantly, I am now at a place where I can teach the way I want, show people my passion for the game, and help them grow as individuals on and off the court. Each day, I feel as if I am accomplishing new things, reaching for new goals, and developing my career.

As I said before, not only is the Summer coming to an end, but my life is as well. I have been offered some incredible, life-changing career options recently, and one may just take me back to Tennessee... except I would be the Junior Director for the entire state of Tennessee. That thought is nearly in comprehensible for me, but I am aching for the responsibility and challenges that will face me each day if I am chosen for the position.

Callie and I have been crying, and the thought of us seperating almost hurts worse than the thought of Filip and I potentially not being together all the time. Callie is my other half, we moved across the country together, and without her, I may not have met the man I call my husband. I hate that I am selfish and wanting her to move back with me if I go to Tennessee, but I honestly cannot see myself without her.

We went out last night. We don't have to drink. We don't have to pretend to be people we are not. We just are. We are ourselves. We are happy. We are best friends, and honestly, I'm pretty sure Carrie Bradshaw was right when she said our girlfriends are our soulmates.

I don't know what even the next week of my life will come with, and I have no idea where I will be in 7 days. I have no idea where I will be living, how I will get there or why. All I know is that I have finally found who I was always supposed to be... Miranda Elizabeth Cameron. And, that's exactly what I have always wanted.

xoxo,

M

September 2...

I will officially be moving to NYC...

I need to:

Start packing my clothes
Start saving every dime
Sell my car
Get out of my lease
Start running
Make a portfolio
Stop stressing out, because a flare up is coming on
Count my blessings
Find a place or three or five to work
Get my spa supplies
Get my gluten free skin care
Ahhhhh

The rain tapping...

...on my window-perched, cheap A/C unit is calming me after today. I am officially registered for school, and I start classes September 3rd. :)

There's so much on my mind still. I have so much to do, so much to figure out, and I have so many things to discuss with Filip. We never have time. We have to make time. I also have to let myself go. I have to let my guard down. I have to say everything that I feel and want and need. I have to be vocal for the both of us. I want to be vocal for the both of us. I want us to be happy. I know how difficult I can be. I know how self absorbed I can be--just look at this paragraph of "I's!"

At the end of the day, I just want to be happy; I can say that I am happy, every day. Even on my worst days, I am happy. I nearly died once, you know, and during my 13 month recovery I learned just how precious time is. Be wild, make ridiculous decisions, say everything you shouldn't say, and love the life you live... After all, you only have this moment guaranteed.

So, here's my favorite quote--maybe, just maybe, it will help you take baby steps in the direction of the life you truly want to be living:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You'll see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

XOXO

And here's where I start to get worried...

Every now and then I regret moving to New York with someone else, and maybe that is selfish of me, but I am only twenty two years old; sometimes, I just want to worry about me, myself and I.

The truth of the matter is: I will hustle, I will dive, I will grind and I will do whatever it takes to get what I want. That being said, my best friend--my roommate, does not have that drive. We also have two completely different wants.

I want to live in Manhattan. While I love Brooklyn, so much, I really want to live in Manhattan. I want the hustle and bustle, and I do not want to worry about the subway to and from Brooklyn each day, each evening, or after each evening we go out.

Callie, however, wishes to live in Brooklyn. Cost wise it is far more realistic, but like I said, I will do whatever I want to get where I want. I am scared that I will allow myself to miss out on my dreams just so Callie is left to figure it out on her own.

Factor number four: I am married now. My husband is living in Manhattan, end of story. Hello! That's not only where I want to be, but it's where I have to be.

So, who sacrifices? We can always get a 3 or 4 bedroom and split it between multiple people and live that way. She could live with my cousin. I mean money is just a serious issue, drive is a serious issue.

Tonight, I will finally have the talk with her.

Wish me luck.

xoxo