Margaritas + Mahi Mahi = Love

     I woke up to the beautiful, thick, charcoal gray lined, thunder clouds. Knowing this means Summer is on her way, I got a rush. The day started off wonderfully. I cleaned my three rooms--Scott is still working on his ;)--and I watered all my plants. When I stepped outside (in a tank top and shorts at 10:15 A.M.), I took a deep breath, and inhaled the city air.
     It's so funny how one day it's 75 in Knoxville, and the next day it is 40--or cooler, as we all have learned this Winter. Thankfully, the last few days have been 60s and 70s, blue skies and a quiet breeze. Even today, for a bit, the clouds rolled off.
     My great mood quickly wore off when Scott would not wake up to do his share of cleaning, but then seeing how innocent he was, and how much he was trying--when he did finally arise--I just took a deep breath and let it all go. I love him, I just have to learn to accept everything that is... Scott. And Scott is his own person. I arrived at Mom and Dad's (I left my car there over night), to see Mom smiling and cooking lentil soup (thank goodness I do not live there anymore--I can't stand lentil soup!) in the kitchen, and to see Dad pissed off about the screened off doors being attached incorrectly and the chain saw not working (he's not a handy man). I realized how blessed my life is; my parents are not pretentious, and I always know their true feelings and when things are not going to smoothly. I remember as a child, going to friends' houses and seeing their 'perfect' families--the kind who never showed their kids that even parents, who love one another very much, fight. I always wished to have parents who never bickered, but now I am glad that I grew up differently. Most of those 'perfect' marriages failed, while my parents--who have had their struggles--are still chugging along. Yes, they are working on things, but that's the point. They have always been open, kept things off their chest, never held back their feelings to one another. This has made their bond, our family bond, stronger. My point of the ramble is that: I am realizing to let the small things go, because my parents taught me that they do not matter, that two people will always argue, and things won't always be perfect. I love them for that. 
     I rushed to a friend of mine's baby shower. Her skin was glowing, even more so than usual. She was simply beautiful. Everyone was loving, caring, and showing their support, even though she is a single mom. She is a strong person, and she is amazing--and very accepting considering that her ex-fiance was there. Everyone was so joyous, and I know every woman was jealous in there who will never have a baby of their own again...or ever. 
     Fantastically, I finished my art homework! I also finished all of my math. I am on the ball. I already feel happier and less stressed. 
     Any who, I am off to make some margaritas and mahi mahi. Mmmmm. 
     Love, love, love,
             Maroo

Reflecting Values.

     As I sit here, eating my second bowl of Coco Puffs--at 6 in the morning, I realize that I had set a goal this week to not eat sweets this week. Fail. Again. But, I did avoid Maggie Moo’s and Godiva yesterday, not by choice I should say.

I have decided to take twelve months and live them with purpose. I have goals for each month, which will roll over in to the following month.

It is so easy to get lost in our busy lives, and most people just go through life on hyperdrive. I cannot bear it any longer, I want to be happy. I want the people around me to be happy, to respect me again, to not call me a bitch or to feel defensive around me. I want to make people feel amazing around me, but this does not mean I am about to build up someone or tell them lies. I am who I am. I will always be too honest and a little harsh--mainly, because I do not see it as too honest or harsh, I would appreciate someone like me. Blah, blah, blah.

Yearly, we set goals, and we do not follow through. It’s all so cliche`. I think most people set goals for the approval for others, such as: to get a better body or skin, to get up and dressed nicely every morning, but what about goals that benefit ourselves? What about losing 5% body fat, so you are no longer obese, to exercise three times a week for an hour to make YOUR heart stronger, to read a book a week or a month, or to take a day or even an hour for yourself, where you make yourself feel appreciated or feel a bit of happiness, each day.

This is why this year, my goal was to get back in shape--my new years goal I mean--and I have, and I feel better. I am no where near where I was, but that’s okay. I’m working back into it. I want to play tennis, again. I miss it, but I have to be in better shape to play. But this year, on spring break, being with my grandparents made me realize that I do not want to be unhappy anymore. I’m 19, and I’m already cynical! AH! HELP?! What would I be like when I was their age if I kept going like this?!

Thanks to Women’s Day Magazine, or something alone those lines, haha, I found an article on happiness. It was a brief article on happiness by the writer of The Happiness Project that made me take a big step back. I started by writing down and answering 8 questions about my life, my goals, my happiness, my wishes, and of course all the opposites, too--what I did not life, etc. Hello, awakening! I have so many great things happening to me. I have so many things that I love, and I have so many people who love me. So, why am I so grumpy, pompous, bitchy?

The question that got to my heart the most was, “Does my life reflect my values?” No, it does not. I am so mean, and I do not want to be this way. I was to befriend people and not feel so awkward. I want to stop judging people and being so cynical. I want to love people and be happy. I want true happiness, and I do not want to put the people I love most on the back burner. I do not want to treat my loved one like they are in the dog house, but before I can treat them with the most respect and love possible, I have to remake my life.

So, I have decided to blog. I think it will help me express myself and allow people to see what I am about, that I am not rude or unruly. I am truly a good hearted person, I know I am, I just need to get out of this funk. It will help me get out what I am thinking and feeling. Mostly, I think it will help me succeed. 

And, here I am, opening up to complete strangers and people who think I’m a bitch and many other things. But, maybe I just do not care anymore. After all, this is about myself and my personal happiness project.