Needless to say, I'm having the worst day since I moved to New York. I feel myself shutting down and pulling away. I do not feel welcome at work, or like I have the ability to grow here. Excluded is the word I am looking for. I feel excluded. I don't know if this is my own mind tricking me, or if the excluding is real.
I miss my father. I miss our time together on the court. I miss Knoxville and the grass.
Everyone keeps telling Callie and me to hold out until Summer. They say it will have a whole different feel, and that we will meet people who are more like us. My favorite client basically begged me to not leave, and is so serious about me staying that he said he'd set me up with his friends who are "much younger than" him. ;) Honestly, he is what brings me to work every day. He is amazing.
Did I mention we went to a "ball" dressed in Free People? Did I mention that we made the paper? Not even 6 weeks into our new lives, we already made the paper.
Yet, I cannot help but to question my decisions in moving here, and I really cannot put my finger on why I am questioning it.
It's probably the loneliness, the lack of affection. Which is all my fault, and tomorrow, I 100% plan on speaking to this guy I see nearly every day at the gym--if he is there.
It's funny that the things I hate most about the South (bullshit and religion) are completely forgotten when I leave, and all I can remember is the fried food, family and friendships that I left behind to live out my dreams of New York.
Maybe, just maybe, today won't be so difficult after all.
xoxo
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