Jump.

I'm sitting here, realizing my last few posts have been absolutely pointless and slightly selfish (well, I guess selfish is just fine considering this is my blog). I'm also sitting here thinking about what to do with my life. I recently was contacted about being an Au Pair... I gave the guy a call as soon as I received the e-mail. Well, apparently he liked me, because I wasn't supposed to start until January, but he asked me to start next week--does that mean he's firing his current Au Pair? And, in reality, it's not a true Au Pair... I'm only live-in when he is out of town. I am truly excited, but when am I not when it involves kids? This new job has got me thinking about European Au Pair jobs..... :) 'Course my dad said, "You're asking to get sold into sex-slavery."

It's just there are so many things I want to do, but I don't realize what those things are? I know that makes absolutely no sense, but I just don't know how to express my craving for a life other than the one I live. It's not that I don't love my life. I absolutely, positively am so grateful and blessed for what I have and will have in the future. My life is beautiful, challenging, surprising and rewarding. I truly couldn't ask for a better life. But, I want more. I want experiences, I want to feel lost in a new country, a new city or even just the woods. I want to challenge of starting completely from scratch, on my own, with out the help of my parents and see where I can get to and what I can accomplish. I want to find myself alone in NYC and see how I could survive. I want to back-pack across Italy without speaking the language or knowing the culture. My dad says I am a dumbass for wanting that, but unlike him, I am not scared to take that leap. I have faith and trust in myself, and that is all I need to survive in the world. Money is easy to come by. Hell, right now, I walk a dog for 15 minutes twice a week and get $20 for that... think if I walked multiple dogs. I get paid $100 a day to drive a kid from school, be free between 7 a.m. and 2 p.m., take him home, cook him dinner and help him with his homework. I get paid $35 an hour to teach tennis (soon to be $40 ;] ), and enjoy every moment of it. Money is easy, but being on my own in a huge city or foreign country is not.

Mainly, I want to take risks. Fail, succeed, yes or no. They are all simple answers to my actions. I will never get out of this town if I don't take a giant leap.

Finally, there are only 6 weeks of school left. Thank goodness. And, the best part of all is that I will be in NYC soon enough. December 30th, I am longing for you. Fashion, my favorite cousin, frozen rain, and fantastically busy atmospheres. I am so ready.

Oh! Also, I have started to make a list of "must do's"..... cliche` and I don't really need it, but, maybe, it will help me decided what it is that I want to accomplish.
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