Tuesday, September 7, 2010

September ties.

Fall, for the first time in my life, I can truly say I have missed you. Welcome back. I miss the big sweatshirts and the cool air flowing in my lungs. Early morning calm skies. I missed the sun that warms you and the breeze that is chilling. Ahh, relief. I am happy.

Sometimes, I question what is going on inside some people's heads. The thought that you can take anger out on another person for no reason at all. And, I realize I used to be so guilty of this--like most I still am sometimes, but I try to hard to not ever reach this level. I mostly, and sadly, only each this level with my parents, and I feel so terrible for that. We've had our brawls, but honestly, besides 2 people... two non-family members in my life, they have always--especially my mom--been there for me. The best part about them is their willingness to help me out... in the beginning of me giving up my scholarships they were furious with me, but they see my happiness and they are willing to help in any situation--not that I am always willing to let them. I am so grateful for the family I have. I really couldn't ever need for anything. I do want better relationships though, and I think that will be the most rewarding step I have taken this year... To try to repair and allow my relationship with my mom to grow. It is work on both sides, and I hope she knows that. I hope she knows how difficult it is for me--trying to separate my mom and my friend (mom as a friend). I hope she knows that I wish she was my best friend, but at the same time I can't be 100% open with her for fear of her judgments or lectures, and this is exactly what she hates about her mother's and her relationship. I'm nearly 20 years old--terrifying as that is--and I think it's time for a friend who will always be there--my Mom. Now, it's just time to convince her to let go of 100% mom and 0% friend, and become 25% mom and 75% friend. Don't think she's quite up for that one yet. :)

September: a month for repairing broken ties and sloshy relationships.

:)

1 comment:

  1. Nope .....not ready yet. The good thing is that I know you are growing up into one amazing young lady but, I do have a few years on you and I do know you still need a mommy most of the time. As you get closer to 25 the relationship will shift to more of a friend thingy and less of a mom thingy! Just remember young grasshopper, I will be your mom till the day I die and your friend when you need a friend. You are my "surprise" in life and you are also my greatest blessing. I love you Maroo.

    ReplyDelete