The Band Perry's song "If I Die Young" brings me to tears every time I hear it. It hits my heart so hard. I remember a little over a year ago when I could have died, when I felt dead inside, when I felt dead on the court and in the class room. I remember how heart wrenching that time was, but I also reflect on how much I have learned.
And sometimes, I feel like no matter how much I've learned that I will never find that feeling again. That feeling is to know that someone loves me the way I love them. It's so hard wanting what I can't have, or feeling like I did something wrong. My mom the other day said, "Miranda, I have no doubt in my mind that Scott would make a great father, husband, that you two could be happy, but, Miranda, he is an alcoholic." And, in reality, he is. It just made me feel like he was the man I was supposed to marry, and I will never get that again. Of course, him telling me no one will ever love me again over and over again probably didn't help much either. And, strangely enough, Scott is not the one I miss. No matter how deeply in love with him I was, he is not the one I miss.
And that is possibly the most heart breaking thing of all. That I am chasing after a hopeless dream; someone who will never admit that they love me, even if they do. Someone who is as scared as I am.
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