Well, my attempt to level the playing field just resulted in an uproar.
Too bad bitches don't know who they are dealing with.
No more nice Miranda. No more quiet Miranda. Bitches get what they deserve, and bitches get stitches. Knoxville better watch out for me and my friends when I arrive home.
All Hell has broken loose, and the best part is, I never had to open my mouth to my friends to explain the situation. All I had to say is that women are tryin' to rock me.
I love my friends and family :)
25!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Growing up sometimes means reaching out.
I reached out. I just hope it was the right thing to do. I'm sick of being petty; I'm sick of high-school drama. It's time to make it right, and it's time to do what's best for all of us in this odd situation. I just hope she takes my words to heart like I meant them. I truly meant what I said, but thanks to the rest of my gender being fake, because she may not believe me. Awesome.
Sometimes it honestly takes putting yourself on a ledge and asking the person who wants to kill you not to push you off, to give you a chance. Sometimes you just have to feed yourself to the sharks, and sometimes it works out how you want.
Please give me strength to hold my head up and know what I did was right. Please give her the means to understand that I want what's best for her and the baby.
I literally sacrificed my pride for someone I don't even know. Too bad she cannot possibly understand how hard that is for me to do.
Growing up sometimes means reaching out, but it seems I'm becoming more selfless, too.
Sometimes it honestly takes putting yourself on a ledge and asking the person who wants to kill you not to push you off, to give you a chance. Sometimes you just have to feed yourself to the sharks, and sometimes it works out how you want.
Please give me strength to hold my head up and know what I did was right. Please give her the means to understand that I want what's best for her and the baby.
I literally sacrificed my pride for someone I don't even know. Too bad she cannot possibly understand how hard that is for me to do.
Growing up sometimes means reaching out, but it seems I'm becoming more selfless, too.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Breathe in, breathe out.
"Deep breath, child, you're almost home."
I keep telling myself that 27 days is not long, and 27 days until this stress, heartache, stomachache, headache and weight-ache (lol) are gone. Someone, please explain to me how I can not eat, vomit when I do eat and still gain weight? I really appreciate my body sometimes. If you couldn't tell... I've been really sick. I'm taking advil nonstop for this two-week-headache; I think the advil is contributing to my ulcers. My insulin levels are so high that I am worried my pancreas is going to shut down--no joke, I'm that sick. It also is annoying when they try to tell me everyone in America has this problem. No, I am not diabetic, I am hypoglycemic. Although, thanks to Italians only eating sugary foods, my precursor to diabetes may finally be full on diabetes, or at least the worst I've been with side-effects of hypoglycemia, ever. That and the stress explain my swelling, weight gain and headaches. The ulcer comes from all the dairy, stress and advil. Something's gotta give.
The good news is 27 = 9 x 3. Heeeyyyy!
Have I mentioned that I, mynamesmirandaandieateverythinginsight, haven't been eating? I get nauseated from freaking water, cool. Totally normal, ya know. Okay, I'm done complaining.
Let me say that I have learned a very valuable lesson, never do something you have extreme second thoughts about. Blah, blah, blah. I got to come to Italy, live with an amazing family, and see the country like a true Italian, but I've been miserable the entire time. I am feeling guilt for a reason, ya know? Something isn't right. Now, do NOT in anyway think I am not thankful for what I have been given. I am so very thankful, and I realize how lucky I am. I am also so happy that my friend is coming to take my place here. She is going to love it; just like I am going to love being home. I'm sad we didn't get to meet up.
I have also learned other lessons this last 2-3 months.
1) The grass is NOT greener on the other side; in fact, the grass is perfectly fine where ever I stand.
2) Sometimes the best things are hidden under the dirt, dust and grime of everyday life.
3) Never burn bridges, never ever, ever burn a damn bridge.
4) Sometimes, you get what you need, but what you need can be exactly what you want.
5) Open mind, open heart.
6) (lol) Don't move to Italy, quit your job, quit school, lose your apartment, and lose your chance to get the freaking dog you've been waiting to get for months!!! Yeah, I can't get my doberman until next year. I may have a mini-breakdown over it, too. I have been dreaming of it. Ugh, can I please just get it, Mom? I'll keep and Vinny with me. I live out of my car any ways. Ughhhh, pleaseeee. I want her so bad :(
Anyways, I have also learned to fully appreciate having someone who cares about you constantly near. Snuggling my wall-boyfriend isn't exactly something I'm loving, and I sure as hell am not loving being so cold, but I just will truly and 100% appreciate what I have. I appreciate having a best friend there anytime I NEED her, and I love having my dad 10 minutes away from me at all time. I love shopping with my mom everyday even if I means hearing her falsely accuse Dad of spending all the money, lol. I love my Nanny being a phone call or text away, and I love knowing that no matter what, I can always drive that short distance to her house. I appreciate having people ask me to hang out for 6 months (really and year and a half HAAA) before I actually say, "god, fine, but just once. asshole." And, I really appreciate having someone willing to wait on me until I come home. I really have an amazing life to return to. The only thing I wish for is to play tennis, train for tennis I mean. I would love to get back into it, and I looks like I'm teaching when I get home, I'm going to have to crack down and set up lessons out the ass to make enough money.
Here we go. 27 days. I can do it.
Head up <3
I keep telling myself that 27 days is not long, and 27 days until this stress, heartache, stomachache, headache and weight-ache (lol) are gone. Someone, please explain to me how I can not eat, vomit when I do eat and still gain weight? I really appreciate my body sometimes. If you couldn't tell... I've been really sick. I'm taking advil nonstop for this two-week-headache; I think the advil is contributing to my ulcers. My insulin levels are so high that I am worried my pancreas is going to shut down--no joke, I'm that sick. It also is annoying when they try to tell me everyone in America has this problem. No, I am not diabetic, I am hypoglycemic. Although, thanks to Italians only eating sugary foods, my precursor to diabetes may finally be full on diabetes, or at least the worst I've been with side-effects of hypoglycemia, ever. That and the stress explain my swelling, weight gain and headaches. The ulcer comes from all the dairy, stress and advil. Something's gotta give.
The good news is 27 = 9 x 3. Heeeyyyy!
Have I mentioned that I, mynamesmirandaandieateverythinginsight, haven't been eating? I get nauseated from freaking water, cool. Totally normal, ya know. Okay, I'm done complaining.
Let me say that I have learned a very valuable lesson, never do something you have extreme second thoughts about. Blah, blah, blah. I got to come to Italy, live with an amazing family, and see the country like a true Italian, but I've been miserable the entire time. I am feeling guilt for a reason, ya know? Something isn't right. Now, do NOT in anyway think I am not thankful for what I have been given. I am so very thankful, and I realize how lucky I am. I am also so happy that my friend is coming to take my place here. She is going to love it; just like I am going to love being home. I'm sad we didn't get to meet up.
I have also learned other lessons this last 2-3 months.
1) The grass is NOT greener on the other side; in fact, the grass is perfectly fine where ever I stand.
2) Sometimes the best things are hidden under the dirt, dust and grime of everyday life.
3) Never burn bridges, never ever, ever burn a damn bridge.
4) Sometimes, you get what you need, but what you need can be exactly what you want.
5) Open mind, open heart.
6) (lol) Don't move to Italy, quit your job, quit school, lose your apartment, and lose your chance to get the freaking dog you've been waiting to get for months!!! Yeah, I can't get my doberman until next year. I may have a mini-breakdown over it, too. I have been dreaming of it. Ugh, can I please just get it, Mom? I'll keep and Vinny with me. I live out of my car any ways. Ughhhh, pleaseeee. I want her so bad :(
Anyways, I have also learned to fully appreciate having someone who cares about you constantly near. Snuggling my wall-boyfriend isn't exactly something I'm loving, and I sure as hell am not loving being so cold, but I just will truly and 100% appreciate what I have. I appreciate having a best friend there anytime I NEED her, and I love having my dad 10 minutes away from me at all time. I love shopping with my mom everyday even if I means hearing her falsely accuse Dad of spending all the money, lol. I love my Nanny being a phone call or text away, and I love knowing that no matter what, I can always drive that short distance to her house. I appreciate having people ask me to hang out for 6 months (really and year and a half HAAA) before I actually say, "god, fine, but just once. asshole." And, I really appreciate having someone willing to wait on me until I come home. I really have an amazing life to return to. The only thing I wish for is to play tennis, train for tennis I mean. I would love to get back into it, and I looks like I'm teaching when I get home, I'm going to have to crack down and set up lessons out the ass to make enough money.
Here we go. 27 days. I can do it.
Head up <3
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Conversations.
"lol get over here"- Austin
"I wish I was a bird of another feather so I could fly homeeeeeeeeee"- Me
"You'd be a Dodo and they can't fly lol"- Austin
"they are extinct....."- Me
"nope. almost though. there are still a few. pple dont know about it though haha"- Austin
"you're a fucking retard."- Me
Typical.
I could probably write a book of our conversations.
"I just ate so much that I'm sick."- Me
"I just took a dump."- Austin
"This may shock you......But.... I'm a girl. And, I don't like to know about your dumps."- Me
"wat? thought we were sharing our feelings for each other hahaha"- Austin
"?!?!?!?!?! what???? that doesnt even belong in this conversation!"- Me
"I wish I was a bird of another feather so I could fly homeeeeeeeeee"- Me
"You'd be a Dodo and they can't fly lol"- Austin
"they are extinct....."- Me
"nope. almost though. there are still a few. pple dont know about it though haha"- Austin
"you're a fucking retard."- Me
Typical.
I could probably write a book of our conversations.
"I just ate so much that I'm sick."- Me
"I just took a dump."- Austin
"This may shock you......But.... I'm a girl. And, I don't like to know about your dumps."- Me
"wat? thought we were sharing our feelings for each other hahaha"- Austin
"?!?!?!?!?! what???? that doesnt even belong in this conversation!"- Me
Monday, February 7, 2011
23. 32.
I'm coming up on my fifth week of being here. It has gone by relatively fast considering how unhappy I am. I may have wrinkles from this experience. No joke.
I'm coming up--a freaking gnat just flew in my nose, cool--on the half way way mark, the Ihavebeenhereforfourweeksandonlyhavefourleft mark. Please fly by. Please. I'm so stressed. I can't stand the thought of my life being lived without me any longer. I really don't know how I can last 32 more days. My face is wrecked, and so is my body.
The cool news is, I'm living in a house where they found the oldest artifacts ever to be found in Brescia. They were digging their underground pool, and discovered stuff from like 4500 BCE or something crazy.... Here are some pictures from 4500 BCE to 1600 BCE...
Above Left (2) is from 1600 BCE I believe. The lower is on the outside of their home. At the bottom is from 2500 BCE and is where a home used to be. It's just chillin' in their basement. Okay and possibly the most bad ass thing is that it is legal for them to keep all of it, unlike USA, because it is so common. She said most people find stuff in their homes, obviously not like in theirs, but small Roman artifacts and what-not. And, the picture in the lower right hand corner, the pot, is one of the most incredible things I have ever touched. It is not legal, I don't know where she got it, I don't know how she has it, it's just chillin' in the living room, AND. . . it's from 4500 BCE. Shit my pants when I saw it. I mean I have been eyeing it and thinkin', ya know... that isn't the most typical item a house usually has..... lol. I could also tell from all the art history classes that it wasn't exactly... modern. But, 4500 BCE. C'mon people! Can you even comprehend that?
I'm coming up--a freaking gnat just flew in my nose, cool--on the half way way mark, the Ihavebeenhereforfourweeksandonlyhavefourleft mark. Please fly by. Please. I'm so stressed. I can't stand the thought of my life being lived without me any longer. I really don't know how I can last 32 more days. My face is wrecked, and so is my body.
Above Left (2) is from 1600 BCE I believe. The lower is on the outside of their home. At the bottom is from 2500 BCE and is where a home used to be. It's just chillin' in their basement. Okay and possibly the most bad ass thing is that it is legal for them to keep all of it, unlike USA, because it is so common. She said most people find stuff in their homes, obviously not like in theirs, but small Roman artifacts and what-not. And, the picture in the lower right hand corner, the pot, is one of the most incredible things I have ever touched. It is not legal, I don't know where she got it, I don't know how she has it, it's just chillin' in the living room, AND. . . it's from 4500 BCE. Shit my pants when I saw it. I mean I have been eyeing it and thinkin', ya know... that isn't the most typical item a house usually has..... lol. I could also tell from all the art history classes that it wasn't exactly... modern. But, 4500 BCE. C'mon people! Can you even comprehend that?
I'll be taking a lot of deep breaths these next few weeks.
Wish me luck.
<3
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Heartbeat.
Today, I thought about Summer in Knoxville--which is obviously the best city in the Summer. My heart started racing. Summer in Knoxville is the ultimate Summer-experience. We spend our days on the lake, and in the evening we eat dinner on our porches. We spend our nights running around the city, only to come back to the outskirts of Knoxville and watch the stars burning bright. There's nothing like being so far out in the woods that you can't hear a sound except the crickets chirping. The moon is our light, and you only use a damn flashlight if you're a chicken shit. Skinny dipping in country club pools at 1 am, or even the disgusting lakes we love--which will probs give us cancer or some STD or something gross, lol. But, do we care? Uh, no. Cade's Cove is one of the highlights of my Summer, because every year I drive through the mountains with the windows down in the early morning just to hike or trail-run some of the most over-used paths in the Smoky's. Mom and Dad pick the strawberries THEY grew in THEIR garden. One thing's for certain, you will never see me in a pair of jeans in the summer or pants in anyway way, shape or form for that... you may never see me with real clothing on unless I'm working. You may still catch me running through the sprinkler or spraying people (and myself) with a water-hose like a 6 year old, and you can guarantee that you'll find me with my Nanny on her screened-in porch. The 7 AM runs with my dog equal love. The Fox Den 4th of July firework show is a given, and so is laying in the courtyard on campus. Yeah, we go to the beach, and love it... good lord do we love it, but we always come back. And, as the deep Summer green sets in, and the grapes on my family's grapevines ripen we know Summer is coming to an end, but we don't fret... simply because that means it's FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE! There's just something about Knoxville and the Summertime that will never be matched. Summer sun, mmmmm.
<3
<3
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